Page 18 of Her Nightshade

I could feel it, the heaviness creeping back in. I was in denial about how far I had let this go, how much of him I was pulling in without fully giving myself back. I was continuing to hurt him whether I meant to or not.

I swallowed, trying to keep my tone light. “Maybe you should…maybe you should go. Get some rest. We can finish dinner another time.” The words felt forced but I couldn’t ignore the unspoken tension between us anymore.

He blinked, clearly taken aback, his hand frozen on my waist. “You want me to leave?”

I sighed, sitting up. “It’s not that Iwantyou to leave, Charlie. I just…” I trailed off, unsure of what I wanted to say. I tried searching for the right words but found myself caught between what I felt and how I was too scared to admit it.

He sat up beside me, his eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. “Justwhat?”

I glanced at him, my heart heavy with guilt. “I don’t want to keep doing this if I’m just…hurting you.”

His face shifted, the playful spark in his eyes fading. “Hurting me?” he repeated, his voice low. “Ana, it hurts me to be away from you.”

I looked down, avoiding his gaze, wringing my hands together. I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Charlie. I just…” My voice trailed off again, my emotions tugging my heart in opposite directions.

He sighed, his hand still resting around my waist but lighter now, almost like he was afraid of touching me. “Then don’t push me away. You keep saying you’re afraid of hurting me, but this hurts more than anything you could do.”

I stiffened, the defensiveness rising in my chest. “I’m not pushing you away,” I shot back, pulling away from his touch. I stood up, crossing my arms. “I’m trying to figure things out, Charlie. I keep asking for space and you keep nudging yourself back in, making it impossible for me to think straight.”

His eyes widened with a mix of frustration and fear. “I’m nudging myself in because I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. He got up and stepped towards me, his desperation heightening. “Ana, I’m scared that if I give you too much space, you’ll disappear…that you’ll decide I’m not worth it.”

I froze, his words hitting me harder than I expected. “I’m not going anywhere, but I need to breathe, Charlie. You can’t just cling to me like this; we’ve literally only known each other for a few days.”

He gripped my hand. “I know, but it doesn’t feel like just a few days to me. It feels like…” His voice cracked again, and the vulnerability in his tone caught me off guard. “I don’t care how long it’s been, Ana. I can’t help it—Ineedyou.”

I shook my head, stepping back slightly, trying to put some space between us. “Charlie, you’re suffocating me. I don’t evenknow what this is yet, and you’re acting like it’s already too late, like you’re going to lose me if you don’t hold on tighter.”

He stepped forward, refusing to let me create that distance. “Because that’s how it feels! I don’t know how to slow down, Ana. I don’t know how to just…let you go without feeling like I’m losing something important.” His voice was strained and he ran his hand through his hair, the frustration clear on his face.

I looked away, guilt and confusion swirling inside me. “It’s not fair to put that kind of pressure on me. I can’t be the thing that holds you together. You have to stand on your own, Charlie.”

“Iknowthat,” he said quickly, his eyes wide and pleading. “I’m trying, but it’s hard. Being with you is the only thing that makes sense to me right now.” He took my face in his hands, his touch both gentle and desperate. “Just tell me you’ll stay, that you’ll give this a chance. Please.”

I swallowed hard, his words sinking into me, twisting around my own uncertainty. “I can’t promise you anything right now. It’s too much, too fast, and I need room to figure out how I feel. You can’t keep pushing me like this.”

His forehead rested against mine, tears welling in his eyes as he whispered, “I’m not trying to push you. I’m just scared; I’m scared that you’ll realize you don’t need me at all.”

I closed my eyes, his vulnerability breaking through my defenses. “That’s not fair to either of us.”

“I know,” he said softly. “But I’m not going to give up, Ana. Even if you need space, I’m still going to be here. Waiting. Wanting you.”

His lips hovered near mine, and before I could think of what to say, they crashed into mine again—this time more urgent, more desperate. The tension from our argument ignited something between us and my hands instinctively grabbed his waist, pulling him closer.

We stumbled backwards, my back hitting the wall as the kiss deepened, all of our anger and frustration dissolving into passionate, heated desire. His hands slid from my waist to my hips, gripping me tightly.

I broke away for a second, panting. “Charlie, this isn’t going to fix anything…”

“I know,” he whispered, but his mouth was back on mine before I could protest further.

I let myself fall into him again, surrendering to the pull I couldn’t resist. I had laid everything bare and he wasn’t going to back down. Maybe that’s exactly what I needed—or maybe it was dangerously toxic. But I pushed it aside, because somehow, I wanted him more than ever.

* * *

I lay beside Charlie in the faint morning light, his tattooed, muscular body relaxed in sleep next to me. It was as if my words from the night before had never been spoken. After our heated exchange, we ended up having wild, passionate sex. Without needing to say a word, he stayed the night, and now in the quiet aftermath, the reality of it all settled around me.

Charlie wasn’t going to let me push him away. He wasn’t going to leave. Even if I shoved him out the door, screaming at him to stay away, I knew he’d break it down and force his way back in. And why did that excite me? Why wasn’t I more terrified? Instead of running, I was drawn to it—tohim. This rockstar, this icon, this man who could have anyone in the world, was desperately throwing himself at me and refusing to let go. And it wasn’t scaring me off. It was pulling me in deeper.

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