Page 101 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

“I will.”

“Promise?”

His eyes flick to mine. “I promise, baby.”

Eli

Three Months

Ifeel…good. Huh.

I look at my reflection. The bags under my eyes that I’m so used to seeing are gone. There’s a light in my blue irises I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. And on top of that, I feel like the voices in my head aren’t so loud. I’m giving them an outlet for once—a place to go instead of living inside me.

Dr. Langley has me on a schedule. Twice a week, I see him in his office, and then once a week, I attend a support group for recovering addicts.

They let me leave the facility two days ago.

I never did beat Patrick at checkers, but I still think he cheats.

Phoenix is chomping at the bit to get home. He’ll be back tomorrow, and today is my first official meeting with other addicts. I’m nervous but also looking forward to it. It still feels so weird to me, and that’s who I am. A recovering addict. That I evenwasan addict. But that’s what my therapist has tried to get through my thick skull these past few months. Being in denial about it is the biggest indicator that I had a problem to begin with. And accepting it was my first step to getting better.

I don’t think I’m all the way better, but I’m a step above where I was. Brenda cried when I left. She hugged me and told me she was proud of me. That shit felt amazing. I’m sad I won’t be able to see her anymore. Connor can suck my dick. I willnotmiss that turd.

Running a brush through my hair, I take one more look in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.

I put on Phoenix’s lucky socks because they really do help for some reason. When I wear them, I feel like I can conquer the world. I slide my feet into my Vans and head for the door. Not seeing Helios meandering about is weird, but he’ll be back home soon. I’m sure Phoenix misses him terribly, even if his mind hasn’t been able to register it yet. He’ll probably cry when he gets that cat back in his arms.

Fuck, hopefully, he missed me more than the damn cat.

Shaking my head, I leave the apartment and review my mental checklist. That’s another thing I’ve been taught to do. When I’m overwhelmed, break shit up into a list. Important, priority stuff, and things I can address later. It’s a form of compartmentalizing, but the way Dr. Langley told me to do it helps. Going to my meeting is the first thing. Next is the grocery store.

After that, I need to get a hold of an attorney so I can serve Tracy with a restraining order.

When I got my phone back, I got a single text from her that said she left and never to contact her again. She made it seem like I was the one who sought her out in the first place, which is fucking insane. I told my therapist about it, and he said that sometimes, no contact is the best course of action, especially in my situation. But I don’t want to risk her coming back around. So, I’m doing the legal shit whenever I can manage to get back to Chicago. And once I find a reasonably priced attorney to help me with all that, I can focus on my next steps.

There is afucktonof steps.

Nope. Don’t think about all that. Meeting first. Then, grocery store.

I can do this.

The community center is full of people doing all sorts of things. But I follow the sign pointing towards my meeting.

There are only a few people here so far because I’m kind of early. It's not like I had anything better to do. I debated texting Phoenix that I was here but decided not to. It’s like 4 am where he is. Look at me being all considerate. Although, I did kind of slip last night and sent him a recording of me jacking off.

For old-time’s sake.

He ran into the bathroom of his hotel and sent me a thirty-second video. That’s how long it took him to come. We’ll have to work on that stamina when he gets home. I smile like an ass thinking about it, and shift my leg to hide my half-hard dick. Taking one of the empty folding chairs, I look over the flyer again, making sure I’m at the right meeting at the right time. There are several today. It could be at Sexaholics Anonymous or some shit.

That’d be bad considering I do porn…or did. I don’t know.

Stick with the checklist, Eli.

People slowly trickle in over the next ten minutes, and the lady leading the meeting has us all introduce ourselves. It’s almost my turn when the door squeaks open. All the heads swivel to see who interrupted, and my eyes bug out of my skull.

Fuck, he looks so much like Phoenix that, for a split second, I thought it was him.

Oliver stumbles through the door, his dirty blonde hair is the same length as mine, and slips free of the short pony tail he has it in. The last time I saw him was about two years ago.

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