Page 108 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

“Okay. What is it?”

Walking over to the sofa, I sit down and pat the cushion. “Come here.”

He does, perching beside me and waiting.

I swallow around the lump in my throat, feeling my chest spasm. He’s not going to be mad at me.He won’t.“So you know how I’m going to those meetings?”

“Yes.”

I nod at nothing. I just need to move my body to release this nervous energy. My fingers grip my knees, palms slick. “I want you to know I didn’t keep this from you. I waited until you were home to talk about it.”

He stiffens. “You’re scaring me right now.”

“It’s not about me,” I rush out. “I’m okay.”

When his body relaxes again, I spit it out. “Oliver was in my meeting.”

And I wait. Let him sit with that information. His face darkens, the hair falling over his shoulder, and he hides his face as he turns away from me and looks at the stained rug below our feet. I swear my heartbeat is like a bass drum in my ears. Is he going to be mad? Did I just fuck it all up? I don’t see how it would, but those old doubts are hard to kill. I wet my lips, easing my hand over to his thigh.

“How does he look?” he asks softly, covering my hand with his.

“Good. Buff.”

“Buff?”

“Yeah. Like he’s been working out.”

“Did he seem okay?”

I go over the interaction I had with him in my head. He seemed to hate that I touched him. He seemed to want to get away from me as quickly as possible. “I’m not sure.”

He nods, running a hand through his hair. “Thank you for telling me.”

“This is a good thing, though, right? If he’s in the meetings, that means he’s sober.”

“Yeah.” That happiness is zapped from him. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

I probably shouldn’t say this part, but I’m done keeping things from Phoenix. If I know something, he will, too. This is how it has to be. “I talked to him. Just for a minute. I asked him to get a hold of you, and he said he would when he was ready.”

“He acts like I fucking disowned him,” he growls. “Yeah, I ignored a few calls. Left a few texts on read. But what the hell did he expect? I tried to be there before, and he told me he didn’t want to see me. He didn’tneedme, and when he decided he did, I was…”

"Dealing with our break up." I wince. “I’m sure he needs you. But maybe he is trying to get to a better place before reaching out. Everyone processes this shit differently.”

Phoenix peeks up at me. “I wish I knew what happened to him. Why he started using to begin with, but no one knows. At least, I think no one does. With how people keep shit from me, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn my whole family knows the truth.”

I scoot closer to him, curling into his side for comfort. “Hey,” I whisper and kiss his shoulder. “Why don’t you give him a call?”

“I have. I call and text almost every day.”

“What’s one more try?”

He sniffles and nods. “Okay.”

Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his phone with a slight tremble. I canfeelhow badly he wants to reconnect. It’s breaking my decrepit heart seeing it. But if I can work through my bullshit, I think Oliver can too. Maybe not today. Maybe not this month. But eventually. And I think deep down, he misses Phoenix too. How can you not? The time we spend apart feels like being teleported into purgatory. I hold his hand for support, stroking the high peaks of his knuckles, and waiting while the phone rings.

It rings and rings, and eventually, it goes to voicemail.

“Leave a message,” I encourage.

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