Page 24 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

I hang my arms over my knees, staring at his back while he speaks.

“He would stay up later, but he was a teenager. Teenagers stay up late. He started not coming home and staying with friends. That’s typical, too. But then Nyx’s phone was gone one day. Her tablet, too.” His hand curls into a fist. “It was weird but explainable. Sometimes, the twins would borrow them, especially when they still lived with my parents. Kids lost them. Simple. She got them replaced.”

I never knew this. Granted, we didn’t talk about it. I never wanted to talk about it.

“Mom’s debit card was next. She didn’t even notice it because my dad’s back started acting up at the time, and they used his for all the doctor trips. She went to fill up the car, and his card was declined due to insufficient funds. Oli stole eight grand.”

Fuck.

He rakes a hand through his hair, the strands falling back into place and hiding his face from me.

“They knew then but kept it quiet. I came home for spring break one year, and Oli had moved into my old room. He still lived at home, went out for days at a time, and stayed up all night. He’s my brother. I know him, you know?” Shrugging almost painfully like this isn’t as big of a deal as it is to him, he continues, “At that point, he had a part-time job at Best Buy. I was bunking up with him like we did when we were little. All normal. All fine. I was twenty-two and didn’t notice something was off with him. He was getting ready for work, rushing, flustered. I didn’t pay attention.”

“Phoenix,” I whisper, hand reaching for him, but I stop.

“Mom took Dad to an appointment; kids went to school because their break was a week after mine. Darien went to work, and Veronica was at Deke’s for the weekend. I left. I…left. Jorge’s grandma had died.” He sniffles. “I needed to be there for him. So I left Oli. He said he was going towork.”

I scoot closer. I can’t help it. Why is he telling me this? Once I’m only a handful of inches away, I dare to say, “He didn’t, though.”

“No,” he breathes, throat cracking. “I was next door at Jorge’s parents’ house. I was right next door. I went to the service, hung out with my friend and his family, and came home. No one told me about Oli’s problem. I didn’tknow.I didn’t know how bad it was or that it evenwas.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out where this is going, but I don’t want to stop him. I want to hear it. He’s never been like this before.

“I found him in the bathroom. He wasn’t breathing. All this foam around his mouth,” Phoenix shakes, “puke on the floor. It was in his nose, his hair. He was so cold and pale. I didn’t know what happened, couldn’t understand why my brother wasdeadwhen he should’ve been at work.” I scooch closer, positioning myself right beside him. I want to hold his hand, but I don’t dare. “Thatis how I found out he’s an addict—when I thought he was fuckingdead.I thought my nineteen-year-old brother was gone.”

“My parents overdosed,” I blurt, and he goes still. A beat passes, and he looks at me with raw, bloodshot eyes. “Junkies.” Chewing my cheek and staring at his hand, I say fuck it and grab it. He doesn’t pull away. “I don’t talk about it.”

“You should.” His thumb brushes over mine, sending a shiver down my back. Phoenix doesn’t pry, and I wish he would. I wish he would ask me more, but he continues, “I changed after that day. It hurt that everyone except me knew about Oli’s problems. My parents, my siblings—I was cut out. I hate that they left me out.”

And I did the same fucking thing to him. Even if I’m not as bad as his brother, I still hid my medicine. I still lied when I was absolutely using it. Slowly, he pulls his hand free of mine and stands. I lift my chin, desperate to say the right words to him, but I have nothing.

“You need to go back to Leon,” he tells me with an exhausted sigh.

“What if I don’t want to?” His throat bobs roughly as he swallows. “What if Leon was always just a stepping stone?”

“That’s fucked up, Eli.”

“I’mfucked up. Haven’t you noticed?” I can’t help but raise my voice.

His face twists. “Everyone has. Not just me. It’s like being stuck in a sinkhole whenever you’re around.”

I shoot to my feet, my head spinning, but I shake it off. “Good. I’d rather you be stuck with me than anywhere else.” I reach for him, but he backs away. “I’m giving you an olive branch. I’m…I’m trying here.”

“How?” he yells, the vein in his neck shooting to the surface of his skin. “How are you trying? All you’ve done is follow me around like some fucking stalker. You rub Leon in my face every chance you get,knowingwhat it does to me. Youknow. That’s not trying, man. I don’t know what the fuck that is.”

He keeps backing up, almost at the wall. “I know you still want me.”

“Don’t,” he warns, voice sharp like a blade. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

I stalk over to him, his eyes dropping to my bare chest. “I miss you,” I tell him, wetting my lips.

“He kisses me there, too,” he mimics me. “That’s how you miss someone?”

“Got a rise out of you. Can’t stop thinking about it, can you?”Fight. Fucking fight, damn it.I grab his face, jerking it down, but just before I can get my mouth on him, he shoves me back.

“You lied to my face. Over and over.” His chest heaves while he gets in my bubble. “Youleft.Youdeleted everything.Yousaid it was done.”

I square up to him. “And what did you do? Nothing. Fuckingnothing.Not a goddamn word out of you after your little explosion.”

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