Page 43 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

The part of my brain that loves him promptly checked out for it, too. I wanted him to…take it. To do what I wanted. To give me a moment whereIcould be the selfish one for once.

I blow out a heavy breath, rolling my hips a little. Lifting my head, I quickly scan the room to make sure Helios isn’t in here—I don’t want to scar my child. Popping off my bed, I shut my door even though no one is home besides me and Helios. It’s always creeped me out thinking about the possibility of stroking my dick in front of an animal.

I grab my laptop, find a familiar site, and start browsing. It’s been a fuckingwhilesince I’ve watched any porn. A slew of cocks and abs fill the screen. I stuff my hand into my sweats, hissing at how sensitive I am. My hole clenches, too, andthatis a telltale sign of how sexually frustrated this whole situation has me.

Before Eli, I strictly topped. I’d never let anyone even look at my asshole, let alone fuck me. As creepy as it sounds, I thought it’d somehow matter to my dad. Like, I was still a dude or something. The point is, Eli was my first. I lost my ass virginity to him, and since we broke up, I haven’t felt the need to touch anything back there.

But rightnow? God, I want to be stuffed fullandstuff something full.

I just need to come. Period.

Fisting my cock and working the head, I keep scrolling, not finding anything amazing. Meh, my imagination is better. I close my laptop and yank down my sweats. Fuck, I’m stupid hard right now. Spitting in my hand, I’m just about to get back to it when my phone buzzes. I glance at it, balls throbbing and hugging my shaft. Nope. Whoever it is can wait.

It keeps buzzing, though, which means someone iscalling me.I palm at it, flipping it over to see who it is, and I sit up with a startle. Eli’s name lights up my screen. Is he in trouble again? Right when I’m trying to nut? I debate ignoring it because if he thinks he’s going to call me fromVegasfor a ride, he’s lost his damn mind. I might’ve done it two days ago. Not today. The longer my phone rings, the worse I feel about not seeing what he wants.

Maybe…maybe it’s something good?

God, I’m desperate.

“Yeah?” I answer, still holding my dick.

“Um. Hi. Are you…are you…busy?”

Here we fucking go. I pump my fist once. “Yes.”

“Oh.” He’s quiet, so I keep jacking off. His little breaths in my ear aren’t doing anything to get rid of my boner, either. “I’m in LA.”

“So?” I grunt, twisting my cockhead.

“Actually. I’m outside your apartment.”

My hand flies off my dick. “What?”

“I want to talk.”

I’m stuffed back into my pants with speed as I launch from my bed. “How do you know where I live?”

“I texted Jorge.”

That traitor. “I don’t have long,” I tell him before quietly smelling my armpits. “I’m…going somewhere.” Holy fuck, where is my shirt?

“Okay. I won’t take too long. Can I come up?”

I want to laugh hysterically. Spinning in a circle, I abandon my shirt, lost somewhere in my room, and snatch one out of my closet. “Yeah. I’ll unlock the door.” What am I even saying?

This is bad.

Terrible.

Not only am I hornier than shit right now, but I’m inmourning. My heart can’t handle seeing him.Ican’t handle it. I still pick up my dirty underwear and chuck them in the hamper. I still run to the bathroom to gargle with mouthwash. I toss the pizza box I left on the couch where I fell asleep last night watching Animal Planet. Oh, who am I kidding with this? Eli is single and I have the apartment to myself. Talking is the last thing we will do, even though I know it’s the worst decision.

I unlock the door, peering through the peephole while my heart beats faster than I can double pedal. In my head, the past several weeks didn’t happen. Eli was never with Leon. He didn’t torture me and fuck with my head. The hospital didn’t happen. I didn’t leave him hanging. In my head, this is our reunion. He’s finally come to his senses—he’s sober and ready to admit everything he’s keeping close to his chest. I’ll open the door, tug him inside, and kiss him.

God, we’ll fuckingkisslike we’re starving. Like we’ve spent a year apart knowing this moment would happen, and we’d be together again.

He’ll climb me like he used to. I’ll hold him by the ass and carry him to my bed. He’ll moan against my lips and bite my neck while I whisper in his ear that I love him so much and I’m never letting him go. It seems so perfect when I imagine it. I can hardly breathe because I want that to happen. Why can’t we skip to the good part? I grind my forehead against the door, wishing with every ounce of my being. But the knock comes, the soft rap of his knuckles. My hand glides over the doorknob, twisting it and backing away.

My dreams aren’t coming true today.

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