Page 47 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

I don’t know how to do this shit.

I’ve never been forced into a corner like Phoenix has me currently. If I had more energy, I’d crawl on top of him and play with him until he forgot about everything. Maybe I’m not as attractive to him anymore. I’m a few pounds away from Skeletor. It’s not just the drugs that steal my appetite. It’s knowing that sooner or later, I have to face Tracy.

Sometimes, I want to let her take my house, sign it over to her, and walk into traffic.

The crazy thing is that it doesn’t sound appealing anymore. I know deep down that I don’t want to die. I just want a way out of the endless loop. Flipping on my side, I shudder a breath as Phoenix’s body heat seeps into me. I hate how he’s looking at me and keeping this distance between us.

Ever since that day last year, I have accepted full blame for it all. It’s easier that way. I’m the reason we got in the car. I’m the reason Phoenix lost his temper.

Slowly inching my hand closer to his, I wait for him to pull away. He doesn’t, so I thread my fingers through his. My hand is so clammy and cold in his, but I don’t think he minds. I feel like shit for saying all of that to him. I know just by how he’s looking at me that he feels the same. We both went too far—cut too deep. I didn’t used to think of him as cruel, but I loved living with shutters over my eyes. Phoenix has it in him to be utterly cruel.I've seen it before.

I pull our hands to my mouth, kissing the high peaks of his knuckles. He breathes harder. I crave his skin on my lips, his taste on my tongue. Looking up through my lashes at him, I watch his pupils dilate. His brown eye appears almost black, while the green one is a halo of color around a dark center. His pretty lips part slightly while I nuzzle his hand. He knows what I’m doing but isn’t stopping me. So, I drag my bare foot over the top of his, pressing more kisses to his hand. His eyes glisten as his breaths deepen.

“I miss you,” I tell him.

He grabs my hip and shoves my shirt up to expose some skin. His thumb glides over the bone, making me tremble. “I miss you, too,” he admits on an exhale.

“Can I change my mind?” I whisper.

“About what?” He pushes the shirt higher, baring my stomach so he can tease the waist of my sweats.

“From that day.” His fingers are still. “I change my mind, Phoenix.”

His eyes shut while he swallows hard and continues to toy with my pants. “Alright,” is all he says.

I scoot closer to him so that our faces line up.

That response isn’t the one I was looking for. With all his protests about using each other physically, he seems to be keen on doing just that. Long fingers curl around the waistband of my sweats, and his knuckles slide over my skin, making me shiver. My breaths falter while he flicks his gaze from my eyes to my lips, settling there so I wet them.

Our noses connect first as his hand dives deeper. Releasing his other one so he can use it how he likes, I lift mine to the shaved side of his head, feeling the soft hair close to his scalp.

Teasing the root of my dick and grazing the tip of his nose over mine, he closes the half-inch of space between our mouths.

“Kiss me, baby. I know you want to,” I whisper.

He doesn’t kiss me. It's a taunt—payback, even.

I cradle his head. “Kiss me.”

Phoenix keeps us nose to nose and aggressively shoves down my sweats. My cock bobs in between us, the cool air hitting my nuts. His breaths quicken while he drags a finger up my shaft, feather-light and ungodly torturous. I lick his bottom lip, desperate for more. Goosebumps burst over my arms as he fingers my slit, smearing precum over his finger.

“Please,” I beg.

The stubborn prick doesn’t give in. Instead, he cups my balls so hard I whimper. “Do they hurt?” he asks, massaging them roughly.

“Yes.”

Shifting his mouth away from mine, he nibbles my jaw and slides his middle finger over my taint. My hips shoot forward, the head of my dick brushing against his forearm. “What else hurts?” The swipe of his hot tongue over my earlobe makes me gasp.

“Does it matter?” My eyelids flutter. “Just touch me.”

He rolls on top of me with speed, thrusting against my exposed cock and biting my neck right over my tattoo. “You said he kissed you here,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to each petal. I claw at his back, tilting my head back as far as possible. “I hate that he touched you.”

I can’t stop the moan that slips free when Phoenix humps my hard cock. “You hate when anyone touches me,” I pant, feeling his taut muscles while I tremble from the rough friction.

“Because you’re mine,” he growls, taking one of my wrists and pinning it above my head. “You’ve always been mine.” I nod like crazy, matching his thrusts, a burst of hot pleasure firing off in my stomach. My legs are pinned under him, my sweats keeping them smashed together. His weight nearly crushes me while he aims his clothed dick over mine.

“Take your pants off,” I rasp, attempting to inch them down, but he catches my hand and holds it up by the other.

---