Page 55 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

He’ll relapse, and all of this will be for nothing. That’s how it always happens with Oliver, too. With all these ambitions, he’d leave rehab clean as a whistle. He’d stay at my parents' house and help around the house. He'd discover old interests and hobbies and show immense progress for a few weeks. And then, one day, his cravings would get too much—whatever demons he struggled with would gain the upper hand, and then he’d leave. No one hears from him for a few weeks until he begs for cash.

It’s a vicious cycle.

He still hasn’t called or texted me, either.

It’s probably too late for Oli and me, but my sad heart still hopes it isn’t for Eli. I’ll never admit it out loud, but taking care of him these past few days has shown me that I never stopped caring—never stopped loving. Having him rely on me makes me feel like a superhero. Like I’m the most important person in his life. And damn, if that doesn’t do all kinds of shit to me. I’m not the most important person to anyone except maybe Jorge.

I groan internally when Eli emerges from the shower, dressed in a pair of low-slung skinny jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt. His shoulder-length hair is damp; that cute curl resurfaces because he brushed it. The complexion is returning in his face, and he looks less sunken. I’ve been feeding him well.

I eye-fuck him with zero shame. That taste of what once was three days ago has my dick saluting him.

“Sure you want to go out today? Looks like you want to spend it with your cock down my throat.” His snark is not lost on me, but I can tell he’s serious. He’d totally suck my dick for the entire day.

I groan and rub my face. “We’re still going.”

“To the fucking zoo. In December.” He rolls his eyes and nibbles his lip rings.

I never thought I’d be so into snakebites, but they hug Eli’s bottom lip deliciously.

Fuck.

Maybe I should jerk it before we go. I rise from the couch, adjust myself, and cross the space. His eyes flash, possibly wondering if I’ll reconsider because damn if I’m not eating him alive mentally. Even all fucked up and going through withdrawals, I wanted him. It’s been a nightmare to keep my hands off him.

Instead of throwing him over my shoulder and sitting on his cock, I grab his chin and kiss him. It’s been days, alright? His hands fly to my hips, tugging me flush with him. “Come on, baby. Let me suck you,” he rasps, flicking his tongue over my top lip.

I thrust almost instantly, then shake myself mentally. “Nope. Just a kiss.”

He sucks my tongue into his mouth, and my eyes roll. The sneaky fucker is trying to work his magic. I grab the back of his neck, palm his ass, and hump like a teenager. It’s sad how much I want him. Satisfied that he’s riling me up, he grins against my lips and slips his hand down the back of my pants. His finger swipes down my crack, and I rub my dick against his.

“Bet you’ll come like this,” he says and latches onto my neck.

“Asshole.”

He bites me, and my eyes cross.

As hot as he gets me, I see the writing on the wall…even if he doesn’t. My body will always crave him. It will always respond. That’s just the science that goes into the makeup of what we have. But I wasn’t lying a few days ago. I want more. And more means taking him to the fucking zoo for some fresh air and normalcy. I tell my dick to get over it, that if all goes smoothly, we can pick this up later and ease myself off him.

Eli tries to kiss me, but I tighten my grip on his neck. “Zoo.”

“Fucking tease.” He thumps his head against my chin, and I chuckle.

“It’ll be good for you. See some of your distant cousins,” I tease and press a lingering kiss to his forehead.

The scowl on his face transfers through my lips. “Whatever,” he grumbles but curls himself around me.

I hold him for long seconds, savoring it. This all seems too easy if I’m being honest—the sex, the new sobriety, him here. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. There is a very real possibility that what’s happening now might vanish tomorrow. Like it never happened.

That old wound pulses in my chest, but I ignore it for the moment. I’m…going to try even if I don’t know what all that will entail or ask of me.

Eli

Cannibal

One of the few field trips I was allowed to go on in school was to the zoo. It was winter then, too, and most animals were inside due to the cold.

I remember standing in this giant hallway where all the lions and tigers were. I felt so small, like at any point, one of them was going to break through the glass and eat me. But at the end of that hall, there was a tiger crying. I’m not kidding. It was so loud I swear it shook the damn walls. I’d asked a worker what was wrong with it. She’d said that it was a new addition and missed home.

I’ve never felt like I had one of those. Even though I do. I own a house for fuckssake, but the deeper meaning, that place of belonging, never came. No matter how I decorated it or made it a reflection of me, it stayed hollow. Maybe because I’m hollow inside—of all the places Phoenix could’ve taken me, he brought me to a facility that represents being somewhere you’re not meant to be.

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