Page 59 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

He’s desperate. That’s all this is.

I know that Phoenix has had a few relationships before me; they were wholly anti-climatic. As vain as it is, I doubt anyone can do what I do, at least to his body. That’s what he’s clinging to. Volcanic sex tends to do that to a person. What he doesn’t know is that while he gained an addiction to fantastic dick, I became obsessed with everything else.

I love how he hides behind his hair when he’s shy or nervous and rinses his toothbrush for a whole minute after using it. The way he sweet-talks his cat like Helios is a human. I idolize the way he treats his friends like they’re his blood. How deeply he cares about the people in his life. I got accustomed to knowing he’d kiss my eyelashes whenever I fell asleep and how his face would light up in the morning when our eyes met.

I loved those soft in-between moments. The ones people don’t think too much about. A brush of our fingers, a flirty wink, extra creamer in my coffee because he knows I secretly hate the taste of it. And when we were together for that year and a half, I’d never felt so safe despite my demons haunting the shadows.

And when we argued? Fuck, I loved it because I knew I mattered. He’d argue with me so passionately, so insistently, and I’d kiss him to shut him up.

Phoenix isn’t arguing with me now. He’s begging.

And I’ve never felt more like a piece of meat.

“Do you even remember what I said?” I blurt.

He backs up, shock riddling his face. “Of course I do.”

“Then you know I can’t show you.”

“Eli…”

“Just,” I breathe, “let me go.”

He frowns, his face contorting quickly to anger. “Youdid this.Youcame back. You ruined everything I was trying to do to forget.”

“Because I missed you!” I blow up. It’s fucking ridiculous that I’ve been tiptoeing around it. “I missed you, fucker. And I didn’t know how to get to you. I never know how to get to you because we don’t work the same.”

“Youhad me.I was all in. I wasn’t going anywhere. You wouldn’t have had to miss me at all if you just stayed with me. And now you’re running again. Just fuckingstay with me.” He grabs my face and crushes his lips to mine.

Phoenix

Howl

I’m not letting him do this.

Not again.

He grunts when I slam him into the wall, the spray from the shower forgotten while I tongue fuck his mouth. If sex is what will get him to stay, then so be it. I can’t have gone through all this pain just for him to run because he’s too stubborn to show me all the ugly. I know he’s ugly. I can see it in his actions and hear it in his words. I’m ugly, too, damn it.

I abandoned my brother when he needed me the most.

Eli grabs my ass, grinding against me while I taste every inch of his mouth. God, it hurts to kiss him and touch him, but it’s a masochistic sort of hurt. The kind I will inflict on myself over and over until it kills me.

Because that’s love, isn’t it?

Unable to stop yourself from swimming in a riptide, knowing it’s going to pull you under. Knowing you’ll never breathe again. Well, I tried breathing. I lived on that bleak fucking surface for a year without him, and it was worse. If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I’d rather suffocate.

I tilt his face so I can get my tongue deeper, moaning loudly when he sucks it. My skin zips and zaps with the static bouncing off us. He’s got to stay with me. I’ll attach myself to his insides like cancer if that is what I have to do. I slide my free hand between us, grab his hard cock, and pump it. He yanks at my hair, rising on his toes to hump into the ring of my fingers.

Unsealing our lips, I growl, “Don’t move.”

I turn off the shower while he pants. Jumping out, I grab some towels. I dry him off first while I play with his dick, and then I pat myself down for a whole three seconds. Then I’m on him again. Picking him up, digging my fingers into his asscheeks, and fumbling to the bedroom. We crash to the bed, teeth clashing and biting. I’m shaking while I stretch my arm to find the lube. He takes the opportunity to pepper wet kisses down my neck, gliding our hard cocks together.

“How do you want me?” I rasp, popping the lid while sucking his shoulder.

“Face up.”

We flip, and he licks a line down my chest, dipping into my belly button and swirling it before swallowing me down. I lose my grip on the bottle while he bobs his head, sending pure fire through me. “Fuck,” I moan.

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