Page 77 of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories

I whimper when he pulls out of me, picks me up, and sets me on his lap, my back to his front. With precision, he lifts me and lines back up. I hear his murmuredrelaxbefore I sink back onto him. The new position has my eyes crossing and my body on fire. I glance down as he curls his fingers around my cock and jerks me. I try to move, but he holds me still.

“Oh fuck,” I moan because he’s going to make me come like this. Impaled on his fat dick while I fuck his fist. My hole clenches and spasms while my nuts throb. I've never been this helpless in bed before.

“You feel too good. Too fucking good,” he growls in my ear, his cock flexing inside me.

His other hand sneaks down my front, tugging on my balls before pressing against my taint. Oh, that sneaky fucker. He strokes it just like I do to him and I start to shake. I’m going to come. Ohgod. “Fuck, I’m coming. I’m coming.”

He bites my neck and jacks me faster, and I come with a scream. I see spots while my cockhead sprays his fist and my lower stomach. He purposefully aimed my jizz so he could have it. Through heavy breaths, he keeps stroking me until I sag against him. Once he’s satisfied that my balls are drained dry, he gathers up the milky liquid and stuffs his fingers in my mouth. I clean them, whining around them because his dick isso hardand poking my sensitive prostate.

He teases my tongue some more and grabs my hip with his free hand, rocking me on him. “Can I come inside you?”

I nod around his fingers. When they slip free, he holds my stomach and bounces me. I’m a damn ragdoll, justtakingit. He’s literally doing all the heavy lifting. I hold onto his arm, watching his legs flex. And when he comes, I feel it coat my inner walls, branding me,owning me.

He claims that’s what he wants, well he did it.

I’m his.

I just don’t know for how long.

It shouldn’t have surprised me when Kelly came back that she only brought my clothes and toiletries.

My prescription forZofranshe did include with my things, but everything else… I sigh, wet the razor, and swipe it across my face. I’m pissed because not only was that shit not cheap, but I barely got to use any of it. I can already feel the itch inside my head, the volume too fucking loud. My teeth grind absently while I tilt my chin to get more of the coarse hairs covering my face.

As much as I hoped it would, Phoenix’s dick didn’t fix me. It didn’t stop the urges, the visceralneedto kill the voices that won’t shut the fuck up. He might own my body, but Tracy owns my thoughts. I don’t think she’ll ever go away, either. I want to obliterate her. And the only way to do that is through static. Interrupt those signals that penetrate my skull. Some quack might say that talking about my feelings would help, but that’s just not true. I tried.

I told Phoenix the precipice of it all and shriveled into that seven-year-old boy.

Talk about embarrassing and repulsive. I don’t know how he even wanted to fuck me after that shitshow.

There’s a part of me that recognizes that I’m nuts. Just yesterday, I was confident I could do this. Get clean, get help,be better.Now? Now I want to say fuck it, leave, and get my meds. Maybe I’ll record fucking the dealer so that way the commenters on my videos will shut the fuck up. In my last one, one had the audacity to say I looked like a tweaker.

Fuck them. I’m not atweaker.

Not even close.

I rinse the leftover shaving cream off my face and pat it down with a hand towel. He’s waiting in the living room with Kelly. He wants to act like it’s all fine and dandy now that I bottomed for him. Nope. Phoenix can get fucked.

Gripping the counter and hanging my head, I try to stave off this anger. This is how it all fell apart before. I get stuck in my bullshit and lash out. Clam up. Kick everyone and everything to the curb because nothing makes me feel good longer than a moment in time. Temporary highs are bullshit. I want permanent.

Squeezing the cool porcelain, I bite my cheek hard. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I can’t just behappy. After everything I’ve done to get back to Phoenix, you’d think I’d try a little harder to be normal—that I’d have the decency to be honest with him. Maybe I’m just not cut out for love, not the kind he wants anyway. Tears prick the corners of my eyes and something like longing bursts in my chest. Why can’t I get my shit together? It’s always been up to me before. Not that I did a very good job, but this time feels urgent.

Important.

It will be downright detrimental if I don’t fix myself soon. I’ll lose him for good.

But I’m losing this battle, man. I’m fucking losing. All I want is for someone to facilitate my habitandkeep me. Is that so much to ask for? Just let me do what I need to so I can breathe. A knock on the door rips me from those thoughts. I smooth out the twisted snarl on my face and open it. Phoenix looks me up and down, then peers over me to inspect the bathroom.

“I wasn’t doing anything,” I snap.

“I didn’t say you were,” he says, calmer than expected.

“Then stop snooping.”

He cocks a brow at me, jaw tensing. Yup, that’s the man I know. He can only put on this farce for so long before that judgmental, angry person pushes forth. I hope he screams so I can get out of here. But he doesn’t. Fuck. No, he’s crossing the space and tucking my hair behind my ear. His eyes soften, fingers light as he brushes them over my cheek. Oh, fuck this guy right now. I lean into the touch because, as much as I don’t want to admit it, it feels good. Right.

“How is your stomach feeling?” he asks, ignoring my earlier comment.

“Fine.”

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