Page 14 of Strange Lad

“Dude! I don’t want to fuck anyone in our band. God!”

“Just checking.” Then he flicks his eyes up my body as if searching for something to reveal all my secrets. “But you want to know about sex between two men.”

“Maybe,” I mumble.

“Again. Lube. Everything else comes naturally. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish these tracks before Lex screams at us for missing the deadline.Again.”

“Fine.”

Because Lex, our manager, is scary when we miss deadlines…

Oli

Second Life

“It’s bad today,” I say to Dr. Langley.

Our sessions are bi-weekly, for one hour.

I’d coughed up my therapist's name to Phoenix’s boyfriend because I feel like he’s the best guy for people like us. He just understands in a way that other therapists haven’t. And it’s why he knows all my secrets but one. Every fucked up thing I haven’t told another soul besides him.

“In what way?” he asks, setting his notepad down to give me his full attention.

I scrub at my face, then run a hand through my hair. I’m debating cutting it off, but Jorge mentionedoncethat it looked nice, so I’ve just let the strands grow like weeds. “It’s Jorge,” I admit to my shrink. “He’s confusing me. And because he’s confusing me, it’s bringing up…everything.”

He hums in thought. “Does he know about your aversions?”

“To an extent. It’s pretty obvious.”

“Are you struggling with his unrequited feelings? Or the touching?”

“Both,” I say easily. “And he’s been so weird since he came back from tour. He called mebebe,” I emphasize the word.

“Perhaps you should set some boundaries between you two. The progression of your friendship is becoming codependent.”

He’s right. It has become that way. Which is something addicts like myself can do when they find a person who’ll give them what they want. And Jorge gives me almost everything I want without even trying. But I don’t view what we have as unhealthy. “I don’t know what else to do other than separate myself from him. I don’t want to do that, though.” No, the thought is physically painful.

I finally have him revolving around me, and I don’t want him to find a new star to orbit.

“If he can’t respect your wishes—”

“He is,” I cut him off. “Heis.”

Dr. Langley merely nods, knowing not to push me too hard. I don’t handle pressure well. “Okay, let’s circle back. Why do you feel he is the reason you are struggling today?”

“That’s easy. I’m in love with him, but he doesn’t view me that way. He’s my brother’s best friend, whom I refuse to speak to, and on top of it, even if hemagically developedfeelings for me…romantically, I can’t stand being touched. It would never work.”

“Well, that’s just not true.”

I blink, not sure which part he’s disagreeing with.

“I’ve seen you with your sister, Nyxia. She has hugged you, and you reciprocated.”

“That’s different,” I whisper. “You know why.”

“Perhaps removing the gender from the equation will help you overcome this issue.”

“I have before.” I snap. “It didn’t work. And it’s worse because it’shim. How am I supposed to just forget that Jorge is a man?” I hiss, clenching my fists over and over.

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