Page 18 of Strange Lad

Neon Inferno

“Where have you been? Why haven’t you called? I worried. I missed you.”

My Spanish isn’t the greatest, so I use what broken bits I remember from when my abuela was alive. “Sorry, Mama. I have been busy.”

Sonia sips her coffee from the dining table loudly, eyeing me with interest, but doesn’t comment. She knows not to interrupt our mom, but she’s creepy as shit about it too. My mom frowns at me while I struggle to come up with an excuse.

I haven’t gone to see my parentsormy sister since I’ve been back from Europe, and they’re pissed. Between band stuff, my YouTube channel, and Oli, I’ve been busy as shit. Mom immediately pops off at me in Spanish.

“Mijo,” Mom sighs. “You know I don’t like this band. You don’t make any money and always come home hungry.”

“I make money,” I huff. “And I always come home hungry because no one cooks like you.” I flutter my lashes and hug her tight.

“Better learn to find a wife that can cook like me, or you’ll starve,” she says hotly in English, kissing my cheek before swatting my back.

I know my mom loves me, but sometimes, her passive aggressiveness hurts my feelings. I try not to let it show, though. It’ll only lead us into an argument I’d rather avoid.

I weasel over to the stove, peeking at what she’s cooked, and nearly moan when I smell the rice. Ain’t no one got shit on her rice, that’s for damn sure. “Where’s Papa?” I ask.

Now, my sister decides to speak. “Helping Linda move the furniture into the girls’ bedroom.”

I nod along, vaguely remembering that my mom’s sister just moved, and my dad’s been helping out because my cousins are divas who don’t do anything but complain. He’s always helping people, though. I guess that’s where I got it from.

I hang out with my mom and sister for a while, the two commenting on my hair and how it’s too long. When it’s wet, it brushes the tops of my shoulder blades. I say I’m growing it to my knees just to mess with my mom. Her brown eyes widen, and she gasps as she clutches the cross dangling around her neck.

Growing up in a Catholic household, we had a lot of crosses around, including the jewelry my parents wore. I used to have one when I was a kid, but once Phoenix introduced me to metal, I stopped wearing the gold cross. Honestly, I’m not sure I believe in that anyway. But my family does, and I’d be burned at the stake for saying anything. It’s bad enough that she thinks I singdevil music.I don't know how she'd react if she found out about my confusing feelings as of late.

I let Mom stuff me full of food while we bicker about my band. She’s not crazy about my career, so she insists I get a wife who has a good job and likes to be a homemaker. It’s annoying, but I’m used to this with her. It's not that she hates what I'm doing,she's simply worried about me. Sonia is studying to become a doctor. So, it's not surprising she'd side-eye my choices.

The one she really can't stand, though, is my being single.

God, she was so pissed when Riley and I broke up. Riley had really grown on my mom, and she'd been welcomed into the family eventually.

I remember when my parents hated her, though. She was a bit of a wild child with crazy hair colors, tattoos, and piercings, and I was whooped.

But then we got older, Dreadful started to take off, and she gave me an ultimatum. We got engaged and settled down, or it was over. I think she even told my mom she was planning on trapping me by getting knocked up. Either way, I wasn’t ready to get married or have kids. I loved Riley, but like I told Phoenix a while ago, sometimes love isn’t enough when bigger problems get shoved to the forefront.

That was four years ago, and I’ve been single since.

I've had…relations, but nothing serious. Music is too important to me, and I’ll admit, I don’t want to be put in a position where I have to choose between a girlfriend and my band. I’ll pick my band every time except when it comes to Oli, apparently. Because I risk my band, friends, and Phoenix everyday that I keep this secret.

I’ve got no one to tell, either. No one will understand.

This fucking sucks.

The one person I want to run to and share everything with, I can’t. Sometimes being a good person bites you in the ass, I swear.

After I leave my parents’ house, having missed my dad, I head home. While I drive, I think about all my choices this past year, wondering where the hell I went wrong. The selfish part of me says it doesn’t matter who I’m friends with. People can be in the middle of two opposing sides. Can’t they?

Maybe if the opposing sides weren’t Phoenix and Oli.

Maybe if I wasn’tme.

I’ve considered backing all the way off with Oli a few times. Just cutting the cord connecting us. It’d be easier in the long run, and I’d be able to spare myself the consequences of my actions. Phoenix would never know if I did it that way. However, just thinking of losing Oli has my chest pinching painfully, and gurgling in my stomach.

No. I can’t do that.

Heneedsme.

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