Page 27 of Strange Lad

There’s a desperation in his eyes, something so palpable that I can feel it in my chest. His fingers twitch at his sides, back stiff, jaw tight. It’s like he’s physically holding himself back—from what, I don’t know.

“Talk to me,” he urges.

Well, since he’s given me the greenlight…

I suck in a breath, holding the counter beside me for support. Thankfully my dick has deflated, so I won’t have that stacked against me. “It’s gettingstrangebetween us,” I admit out loud for the first time.

“It is,” he agrees, folding his arms protectively.

“I’m…attached, Oli.”

He nods, understanding. “I…me too.”

We share a combined exhale, relaxing a fraction. It feels good to know that I’m not alone in this. “What do we do?” I whisper, holding his stare.

“I’m not sure.”

“Canwe do anything?”

He wets his lips, opening and closing them. “No, Jorge. We can’t.”

Well, that hurts more than I thought it would. I don’t even know what Iwantto do about this, just that the need to act on it is suffocating.

Being around him feels like finding something deeper than a friend. I still can’t believe we are here. But, he’s right. It’s bad enough that we hide our friendship; adding anything else would complicate it. I can’t even begin to entertain the devastation we’d wreak on Phoenix if he found out about us as is, let alone if something…more were to come of it.

“Okay,” I concede, swallowing hard and pushing my hair away from my face. It falls right back to its original spot. “I’ll back off.”

“That’s not what I want,” he rushes out and steps closer. The air is siphoned right out of the space between us as he visibly shakes with restraint. “Don’t back off. Just… What changed?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, feeling helpless and defeated. “I’m so confused.”

“About me?”

“No,” I breathe. “Aboutme.” I hold my chest as my pulse thumps in my ears. “But I’ll figure it out. I always do.” I try to smile but it must resemble baring my teeth.

Oliver’s eyes soften. “Come on. Let’s go back to the couch.”

I nod, following him out of the kitchen.

We take up our spots again, the movie half over by now, and we watch in charged silence.

I keep sneaking glances at him, trying to decide why I’m looking at him differently when all I’d seen before was my friend. Just Oli. The person who makes my heart pitter-patter with happiness. Knowing how far he’s come and how he clings to me as hard as I cling to him brings me such distinct peace.

It’s like I’ve lived my whole life in restlessness.

And I have been restless. Never being able to settle down, always looking for the next thing. Searching for a harbor when I’ve been out at sea.

Oli is the lighthouse on the black horizon, guiding me home. He’s where I want to be.

Maybe that’s why things have shifted, why I’m so confused. The way I feel about him is different from anyone else. People need me until they don’t. Phoenix needed me this past year, but I’m no longer number one.

That’s the thing about being a hero. You can saveeveryone, but when your heart is running on fumes, all those people you helped and gave every inch to forget that it needs to go both ways. Sometimes, the hero needs to be saved, even if it’s harder to see. And that is what makes Oli stand out.

When all my friends forget about me and go on with their lives, Oli makes sure to remind me that I’m important in his.

I am never not wanted.

“Whatcha doing?” Oli asks later in the evening.

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