Page 37 of Strange Lad

“It’s not new. You don’t like the movies.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him toss the remote down and face me fully. Wetting his lips, he blushes and asks, “Why did you ask about my preferences?”

I twist to face him too, bringing my knee up onto the cushion separating us. The last thing I want is to scare him off, but I don’t want to lie to him. However, the truth might be too much pressure. So I give him half of it. “Well, I have been curious about my sexuality.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.

“Really?” His face gives nothing away, but his voice is almost…hopeful.

“Yeah. I think I might be into dudes. Or a dude. Singular. Which doesn’t count, I don’t think. Can your sexuality change because of one person?”

The bob of his throat bounces as he swallows hard, his knee only half an inch away from mine as he shifts slightly. “Possibly. W-Who is it?”

God, he’s adorable. I want to squeeze him. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” I tease and my chest flutters.

“I do want to know. If you’re comfortable telling me, that is.”

“I tell you everything,” I say without thinking and then wince. Shit.

“But you haven’t told me this.”

Now, it’s my turn to gulp. “You see,” I croak, my eyes desperate to flick away from his. He’s so intense right now. I don’t think he’s even breathing. “Are you breathing?”

He huffs and smiles. “Yes. Tell me.”

I don’t think he realizes it, but he’s scooted closer. The tips of our knees are touching, and it’s like a shot of pure dopamine through my system. Butterflies swarm low in my stomach as I refrain from pointing it out. Instead, I take in a breath, cheeksheating as I prepare to just say it. He asked, right? Unless he doesn’t think it’s a possibility, and my admission ruins everything. I don’t even know what I feel for him yet, only that it’s definitely more. More than it should be.

“Once I say it, there’s no taking it back,” I tell him.

“Is it Phoenix?” he asks, a flash of hurt spearing through his pretty eyes.

“Ohmygod,” I groan, palming my face. “Why does everyone think I want to fuck Phoenix?”

“Because it’s a simple deduction. You were all over him in high school. Youheld hands.”

“I hold hands with anyone who will let me,” I defend, then rewind what he said andhowhe said it. It's almost…like…he’s jealous, which spearheads my thoughts back to high school. Did he watch me back then?

“You remember that? Like, me in high school?” I ask, completely shifting gears.

“Why wouldn’t I? You practically lived at my house during summer vacation.”

I scoff. “Did not. We alternated.”

“So it’s not Phoenix,” he circles back to the topic.

“No. It’s not him.”

“Alright. You made it seem far more serious.”

“It is serious. To me, anyway,” I say and blush harder. Oh dear, this isn’t going well.

“You don't have to tell me. Forget I asked.” He shuts down, disappointed.

My hand shoots out, and just before it makes contact, I pull it back to my lap. I really have to get a hold over my body. Maybe I should duct tape my hands to my legs. “No, I want to tell you. It's been driving me nuts not being able to tell anyone.”

“Okay,” he breathes.

“Okay.” I close my eyes for a few seconds, nervous and terrified this will all blow up in my face. “Lately, I have realized that I am attracted to…you.” The last word slips past my lips, almost too low to be heard.

I still haven't opened my eyes. I can't look. Can't see the end of our friendship that's grown to mean the world to me.Hemeans the world to me. My eyes burn behind their lids, and my nose tingles as a ball works in my throat. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t want me around anymore. If this is now awkward and no longer fun. If he doesn’t need me.

Fuck, it feels like my chest is caving in. It’s just a silly little crush. I can make it go away if I need to. I’m sure of it. I—

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