Page 39 of Strange Lad

“Sexually active.”

“I’m really not. People think I’m this big ‘ol whore because I love affection, but I haven’t had sex since before we went on tour.”

He winces. “Didn’t need to know that.”

“You asked. And I wrapped up. Before we went to Europe, I got tested at the clinic. STDs freak me out. So I’m good. Squeaky clean. My dickshines.”

That makes Oli toss his head back and howl in laughter. I can’t help but join in, too; so fucking happy we’re back to us. This is fucking us. Yeah, I want him to do naughty things to my ass and cock, but I won’t losethis.Our magic. “Your laugh is so nice, Oli,” I tell him once we sober up.

“Yours too.” He beams at me like a fucking star.

“I really want to hug you.”

“I know,” he sighs. “Give me time, yeah?”

I cross my heart. “Promise. I’ll wait for you.”

Oli

Can You Feel My Heart

“Hey, big bro!” Nyx blurts as she all but falls out of her car with a black bulky item. She got the clumsy gene from our dad.

“Hey!” I wave and jog over to the curb, abandoning my newest project. Peeling off the gardening gloves, I stuff them into my back pocket and pull her into a hug. “Thanks for bringing it.”

She claps me on the back briefly before pulling away. In her hand is my guitar case. I don’t know why I wanted it after so many years of refusing to touch the thing, but after Jorge admitted to me two days ago that hewanted me, I got an itch to play. I kind of want to play for him—that’s if I still can.

“No problem. Whatcha doing over there?” she asks, leaning to peer around me.

“Oh!” I grab her by the arm and tug her down the walkway and over to the side of my studio where my new garden rests. Well, the holes for the garden anyway. “I’m growing strawberries,” I say with a dramatic wave of my hand.

“I see no strawberries.”

“Because I haven’t gotten the plants yet. But it’s springtime. So I’ll hopefully have some before fall if I get more mature plants from Home Depot.”

“Why strawberries?” she asks, causing me to blush like I’m twelve.

Jorge loves them. He smells like a fucking strawberry. His favorite flavor of Pop Rocks isstrawberry.“Trying out my green thumb.”

“No flowers?”

“Not yet. I want to try these first. I’ve already asked Dan if I can set up another bed if I need more room.”

My landlord is a cranky old man who would rather have free labor than pay for it himself. So he was thrilled about the potential for a nice flower bed up front. “That’s nice of him.” She chews her cheek and pulls her sunglasses up on her head. “Mom knows.”

“About?”

“She knows you’re clean, Oli.”

Fuck. Seems Phoenix’s boyfriend really burst the bubble I was trying to live in forever. “Did she tell Dad?”

“Not yet. She hasn’t told Veronica or Damien either.”

“Is she pissed at you?”

For some reason, Nyxia has always been trustworthy to me, at least with small things. She was the first person to know I went back to rehab last year, with the exception of Jorge, who helped motivate me to do it. She’s kept my secret fiercely, understanding that I’d tell my family when I was sure it wouldn’t be a lie.

The thing about me and drugs is, I don’t ever really believe I’m done with them. I struggle all the time. How can I say I’m all better when I don’t feel better? Or how can I confess that I haven’t touched drugs in a year, but I crave them?

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