Page 62 of Strange Lad

“I’m late,” I hiss, pulling on my uniform shirt again. I ignore his chimera eyes, which bore into the side of my face.

Does he know? Finally? Is it fucking obvious to him now, right before I’m going to die?

“Do you need a ride?” he asks.

I shake my head, my stomach dropping. “No. I’m okay.”

“If you need me, I’ll be right next door.”

“I know,” I snap and rush over to grab my wallet and stuff it in my back pocket.

“We’ll talk later, okay?”

Flicking my eyes up to him, my breath snags, choking me. He’s wearing a nice tux, black on black, and he’s got bags under his eyes. I wonder if he’ll be this sad over me. Wonder if he even cares anymore. “Alright,” I say and tear my gaze from his.

I can’t look at him. He’s just going to have to protect himself. He’s just going to have to figure it out. I’ll…I’ll leave a note.

“I put the note beside the toilet, but no one found it. I found it after I got back home from the hospital.”

“Fuck, babe. That’s so fucked.”

“So, yeah. Hearing about how hard he’s fought for Eli got under my skin. It hurts knowing that everyone else is more important than me. Even if I couldn’t express just how much I needed him to be there.”

“What did you want to tell him?” he asks softly, hooking his pinky finger through mine.

We’re sitting side by side now, his illness and warm bed forgotten. My heart gives a mighty thump. Yeah, I was so wrong to say any of that shit to him.

“I know I’m not Phoenix, but you can still tell me. I’ll keep whatever it is safe, I promise.”

I glance at him, seeing the sincerity in his pretty brown eyes. I could tell him. Right now. It’d be the smart thing to do. Put it all out in the open, rip myself in two just to expose all the decaying, rotten bits I hide.

But then what? Where would that leave us? He’d see me for what I am. A broken man, pretending he can be better, bemore.Hell, he might not even believe me.

To this day, I don’t think Phoenix would. He was friends withhim.Looked the guy right in the eye after hurting me and smiled.

“Nothing anymore,” I rasp, slotting our fingers together and holding them. “Forgive me?” I peek at him again.

“I forgive you, beautiful.” And he brings our hands to his lips, making it all okay again.

We stayed like that until Jorge sagged against me, feeling run down again. So I tucked him into bed and wandered into his kitchen to eat the remnants of the soup I made for him—not Phoenix.

While I’m cleaning my dishes, I stew over everything. I can’t believe I agreed to talk to Eli. I don’t want to anymore, not that I did much to begin with. All the bitterness inside me is in fullforce; whatever nostalgic love I’d been clinging to for my brother is lost in it all.

I might have fallen prey to drugs, but he’s a fucking liar.

Phoenix has lied to me more times than I can count. Every dismissed text, every judgmental look at our parents’ house, every shitty remark he’d say to Nyx that would eventually make its way back to my ears.

I’ll always be there for you, Oli. It’s you and me. We’re the same. Brothers.

We’re not fucking brothers. At the height of my addiction, I still cared. Still missed him deeply. I tried so many times to rekindleanything, but he never let me.

And when he started dating Eli? Fucking forget it.

I’m sure he blames me for their breakup, too. Because I’m the reason he hates addicts. Because I couldn’tcontrol myself.Because I didn’tget help.Because I didn’twant it.Fuck him for saying that shit about me. I did want it.

I wanted to be better so much that I tried to kill myself just to prevent my life from eroding out from under me.

All my dreams are gone. There’s no band waiting for me anymore. No crowd to cheer and praise my skills. My family doesn’t trust me. My mother can’t look at me without crying. My dad wants to disown me.

---