Page 66 of Strange Lad

He left me.

He left me.

He left me.

Space. Ha!

Fine.

That’s…fine.

My eyes well up, and my nose tingles, but I slurp it all back in, walking with determination to my bedroom to get my phone. It’s not like I don’t have other people to hang out with. Other people to talk to. I get my cell phone off the charger, ready to text Phoenix to come over when my eyes snag on the hamper. Right. His clothes are in there. So he isn’t like…gone for good.

“Fuck you’re pathetic,” I growl to myself, toss my phone and go take a shower.

I didn’t call anyone or text anyone. I’ve been watching Oli’s location on my phone for the last three hours. He went home like he said, then he went to group, and now he’s at the park. He’s been at the park for thirty minutes. Why the hell is he there? Sifting through my mental notes containing all his dealer info, I can’t recall any that usually hang out there. I chew my lip, and my cough is still present but not as bad as yesterday.

“What are you doing?” I ask no one.

He doesn’t want to be withme, but he’s fine with sitting at some stupid park for thirty minutes?

Oli doesn’t go out in public when he needs to be alone. No, he hides in his bed for days at a time, barely responding to my texts. Maybe he’s hanging out with Nyx. He talks to her often, fills her in, and such.

An insidious voice whispers that he’s with someoneelse.Maybe he found someone in the group who understands him better than I do. Maybe he trusts them more because they’ve been through similar things, and I haven’t.

My eyes well up again. It’s like the eighth time I’ve had to stop myself from crying like a baby. I can’t get over it. The rejection.

I took him to the group before Eli joined. It wouldn’t be too hard for me to be covert while he went. I’ve been there when shit was bad, and he’s always welcomed me—always wanted me there. Now he doesn’t, and I can’t understand why.

I thunk my head on my pillow, letting out the scream I’ve been holding in, and kick my feet like I’m four.

After about ten seconds, I stop screaming and lift my head to look at his location again.

Still in the same spot. “UGH!”

Oli

Lovesong

Having Eli in my car was weird, and it’s still weird now, sitting beside him on a park bench.

There is ample space between us, but we’re both locked in silence, unsure where or how to start. I mean, this washisidea, so he should do the ice-breaking. I’m perfectly content to sit here forever like a statue. The only reason I didn’t flake on our agreed meet up was due to the events of last night.

I’d had a horrible episode—one of the worst in years—and Jorge broke through it. For once, he didn’t treat me like a spooked animal and took charge. That hug, fuck, it meant more to me than he probably realizes. I don’t know what events led Elijah to drugs, but I’m hoping he might have some insight into trauma. Or maybe just having someone on my side of the line who knows what it’s like firsthand might help. I’m pretty desperate at this point.

However, after I left Jorge earlier, I’m sure I’ll have to grovel for his forgiveness. I’m not ready to open up about my episodes or past, and I’m certainly not ready to admit that I’m meeting with Phoenix’s boyfriend to use whatever we talk about to fuelmy courage. The only way to keep Jorge from tagging along was to tell him he wasn’t needed, which was the wrong way to go about it.

I plan on explaining this to him later. I swear I will. I just hope he can still be patient and understanding that although I do want him, there will be moments that I have to see through on my own. That isn’t his fault. He can’t be the hero every second of every day. Sighing, I rub my palms over my thighs, try not to look weird, and stare at the kids playing on the playground.

“So, I don’t know how to do this shit,” Eli finally says, huffing and chewing his thumbnail. “This was all Phoenix’s idea.”

“Figures,” I huff, crossing my arms.

“He thinks you’ll have a unique insight into my addiction.”

That has my eyebrow arching. “Seriously?”

He nods. “I’m only four months sober, well almost.”

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