Page 85 of Strange Lad

“Welcome to the club,” Devon says dryly before leaving.

“That was fucking rude,” I growl and stare at the door that bangs on his exit.

“Ignore them. Devon will be excited about it once he’s not pissed,” Phoenix reassures me and pats my cheek. “Seriously, who is it?”

I gurgle loudly on my tongue as I choke through syllables of a lie that is damn near impossible to form. I sound like I’m having a seizure or some form of demonic possession.

“A dude,” I spit out and launch from the couch. “Anyway. I gotta go help…Patrice.”

“Patrice? Who the fuck is Patrice?” Michael asks with a frown.

“Jorge?”

“I’m late. Sorry!” Irunout of the studio, sweat pooling in my armpits and mylinnerbitch slapping my uvula.

Fun fact: a meal between lunch and dinner is calledlinner.Moving on.

I pump my arms, bypassing Devon, who is pacing outside the building, and sprint to my car. Throwing myself inside, I briefly glance out the right passenger window to see Lex white-knuckling his steering wheel and looking like he’s plotting someone’s murder. With an awkward wave and hysterical laugh, I key the engine and peel out of there.

Pacing in my living room, I ignore the eight texts from Phoenix demanding to know if I’m okay.

I’m freaking the fuck out,Phoenix. No, I’m notokay.

Feels like I’m going to spontaneously combust.

Mistakes were made. Oh, God, mistakes were fucking made.

I wheeze a little, slapping my chest as my eyes burn with budding tears. All I wanted was to tell someone and look at what that got me.

Phoenix won’t let me avoid him forever. He’ll bug me until I cough up who it is. I don’t want to keep lying to him. I’m sick of it. Especially because I’m like eighty-seven percent sure I’m falling for Oli.

My chin wobbles as I stop pacing and scrub my eyes.

So many things need to happen before I can even consider coming clean. We need to talk. We need to establish where this is going to go. Oli needs totellme it’s okay to fall the other thirteen percent of the way.

I haven’t been in love in so long, and the prospect of it scares me.

When Riley and I broke up, I was down in the gutters for a while. She’d been a huge part of my life for years, so I didn’t know what to do with myself when I didn't have that familiarity anymore. I know it was for the best, and I don’t regret letting that chapter end, but I can see myself being happy with Oli. Even if he never touches me again.

What I feel for him goes way beyond physical need. It’s companionship on the deepest level. Soul-deep. Every corny romance line comes to my brain, even those are inaccurate. It’s more. Always more with Oli.

But that’s the thing, though. I don’t know how he feels. Sure, he’s been pining for me for years, but that might be surface-level.

I want to know if being with me makes his heart gallop.

If seeing my smile opens up a rainbow of color in a sea of grey.

Does he dream about me? Does he lay awake at night fantasizing about the day when he can openly claim me? Hold my hand and kiss my lips? Because that’s what I go through. Every fucking day.

I cherish him. I want to keep him safe inside my heart pocket.

“Damn it,” I croak and pull my phone out of my pocket.

Can you come over?

We need to talk.

The three dots appear immediately.

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