Page 34 of Taking the Heat

Drawn to him like a magnet, I lowered myself down onto the towel next to him.

‘Cross your legs and put your hands on your knees. Close your eyes. I’m going to talk you through a breathing exercise.’

For the next five minutes, Chris’ deep voice directed me to breathe in and out, holding in certain places, filling my lungs completely, then emptying them again. With my eyes closed, I didn’t feel as twisted up emotionally by his presence, and when I opened my eyes at the end, I stretched my hands over my head and said, ‘Oh … that actually feels better!’

Chris smiled. ‘That’s good, babe.’

‘Where did you learn how to do that?’

‘A few years ago, I had a total breakdown. I was overloaded at work and living it up every night. My doctor told me it was medication or meditation. I’ve never been a fan of drugs, so I took a month off and went up to Byron Bay. There’s a health retreat in the mountains there that changed my life. They taught me how to deal with my stress, and I’ve tried to live in a more balanced way ever since.’

It was such a simple story but it threw me for a loop. ‘Wow. I didn’t take you for an alternative type. Is making coffee that stressful?’

Chris looked away, his face shielded. ‘You would be surprised.’

We sat there, side by side, without touching. It was comfortable and perfect.

‘I can’t do this,’ I said.

‘What?’

‘This!’ I stood, agitated again. ‘I can’t get any closer to you. I already feel like I’ve known you for years and I barely know anything about you. You’ve said it more than once; we’re supposed to be here to win the prize. If I fall any further for you … I don’t know if I can do what I need to.’

I didn’t ever realise I was crying until the wind picked up and I felt the tear tracks cold on my cheeks. Chris looked at me, anguished. ‘Tara … what do you want me to do?’

‘Can you give me some space? Please?’

‘Sure.’ His answer was short and he stood quickly. I hadn’t expected him to give in so easily and my heart sank as he began to walk away, back down the hillside.

Just before his head disappeared, he turned back and winked at me sadly. ‘You know where I am if you need me, babe.’

He left and I clapped a hand over my face to keep from calling him back.

(Producer, off camera:Why do you keep pushing Chris away?)

I’m here for my sister. I’m trying really hard not to lose sight of that. Coming here and falling in … falling for someone, it’s not part of the plan.

I stayed on the hilltop for another hour, until the sun got the best of me and I headed back. Walking along the cool walkway, I realised the itchy, sexual tension was gone; now, I only felt empty.

My team pounced on me when I walked in the door. My matted ponytail was pulled loose and brushed out, while waterproof mascara and lip gloss was my only makeup. The outfit for the pool party was a black and purple patterned thong bikini. Even with a purple sarong wrapped around my waist, I still felt exposed.

I hadn’t been to the pool before, but the signs at the bungalow led me further down the walkway, until I reached a flight of stairs. At the top, the boards expanded, sweeping away in a huge decking area, with an infinity pool in the centre. Tiny fairy lights twinkled around the palm trees and an open bar was open for business. I decided I needed a drink or ten.

Ordering a double vodka, lime and soda, I looked around for someone to talk to. Chris stood on the far side of the pool, but when our eyes met, he looked away and started a conversation with the Italian girl. Even though I knew he was just following my wishes, I still felt depressed.

The Swiss twins and the American boys were chatting in the spa. I lifted my glass, drained it in three swallows, grabbed another one and headed over. The four of them looked up and greeted me cheerfully. ‘Tara!’

‘Hi, boys,’ I said, enjoying their attention. ‘Who wants to get drunk?’

‘Woo!’

We sat together in the massive hot tub, drinking and laughing. I couldn’t have felt less like partying, but the booze helped and with all the innuendos and happy banter flying, it was easier to forget about Ella and Chris and the fantasy cabin.Speaking of which …

‘Hey!’ I slurred. ‘Where’re Megs and Nik?’

The Kiwi and the pretty Irish lass were MIA. We all grinned at each other foolishly and the theories flew.

‘Do you think they’re in the cabin?’

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