I lost my breath at the mere mention of his name. ‘You’ve been speaking with Chris?’
‘Yes. He was quite sad after returning from the hospital. We had a date the next day.’ Her face became dreamy. ‘I have met Australian men before. They often stay in my family’s hotel, but they are always rude and drunken. Chris … he is wonderful.’
‘He is.’ The words were strangled.
‘I know there has been something between you both, but Chris and I have seen quite a bit of each other in the last few days.’ Steeling herself, she beseeched me with those expressive eyes. ‘I would never dream of ruining a relationship, but Chris said that you have ended things between you both. I want to believe him, but I need to hear it from you. Is it alright if I see him?’
NO!I wanted to scream, to slap and bite and scratch, to run and find Chris and wrap my legs around him, drag him to the ground, make him mine, then steal him away to a universe where no one else existed.
But this was the universe I lived in and I’d been the one to push Chris away. If I couldn’t be with him, I wanted him to be happy. And the elegant Indian girl sitting in front of me seemed like the sweetest, most gracious person on the island. She might be the one to heal what I had ruined in him.
So, with my chest heaving, I ground my teeth and said, ‘Chris was telling the truth. I’ve asked him to leave me alone. I hope you can treat him better than I have.’
She looked puzzled. ‘He told me you hold him responsible for the fall, but you don’t seem angry at him.’
‘I’m over it,’ I replied, flippantly. I couldn’t handle anymore of her insightfulness and classy ways and all-round loveliness. I stood. ‘Nice to have met you.’
She rose to see me off, leaning in swiftly for a hug, the scent of jasmine cloying around her. ‘I’m so glad we talked. This place, it is a strange experience to be a part of, and it’s nice we can all stick together.’
‘Yeah, great.’ I felt hot, heavy tears brimming and I walked off, leaving Aanya standing awkwardly.
Needing a moment of quiet before Miles and his next round of secrets, I fled the bungalow. I hurried along the walkway to the pool deck. The night was cloudy; I couldn’t even find comfort in the stars as I sat on a wooden deck chair, staring up in the hope my tears would subside.
My favourite cameraman/stalker panned around slowly, capturing me in my misery.
‘You again?’ I asked.
‘You’re my favourite,’ he whispered. ‘We can fill a whole episode just with your dramas. The producers love you.’
‘That’s nice,’ I said, sarcastically. ‘I’m glad my depressing life makes such good TV.’
‘You have no idea—ratings are through the roof.’
The idea of millions of strangers finding my adventures interesting was simply too bizarre. I wasn’t thinking about life after the show—only getting through it. ‘Fine, if you’re going to stalk me, I should at least know your name.’
‘I’m Greg. Now, if you could do me a solid, do you mind just standing at the edge of the decking, and staring out to sea? If you feel like crying, that would be brilliant, but I’d settle for some deep sighs.’
‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’
‘Please?’ His bearded face stuck out from around the camera. ‘I’m in line for a bonus, and my wife is pregnant with our second.’
Huffing, I walked to the railing, and looked out to the horizon. The wind flowed up from the beach, streaming my hair out behind me in a long banner.
I’d almost forgotten about Greg, Aanya and Henry, when the one person I couldn’t keep out of my thoughts joined me at the railing.
‘Tara.’ Chris looked gaunt. His strong tan face appeared almost grey and his shoulders were rounded and sad. ‘I don’t want to bother you. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.’
I couldn’t answer him. The physical agony of having him so close was too much, striking me dumb.
‘Aanya said she’d spoken to you. I … she thought you didn’t seem as upset at me over the challenge as maybe I thought you were.’ His voice cracked. ‘Babe, I am sorry, you know I am. And if you can forgive me, I promise, I’ll always be there for you.’
He didn’t move any closer, not using his physical power over me, the way he could have. Instead he stood back, respectfully.
All I wanted was to do grab him by the collar of his white linen shirt and kiss away the hurt I’d caused on his face. I clutched the rail harder and forced myself to look to the water.
‘Babe, what is it? There’s something going on, isn’t there? Why won’t you look at me?’ His voice grew stronger. ‘I know you think I don’t know you, but I do. There’s something between us, and you’re scared. Tell me why you’re pushing me away!’
‘Aanya’s nice,’ I said, keeping my voice as neutral as possible.