Page 51 of Taking the Heat

A dozen different scenes crashed through my head. Would I be watching myself call Henry a labrador? Or my musings on Chris’ firm butt? What about my reflections about trying to choose between the Swiss twins? You say all these things here in the diary recordings, but you forget people will actually be watching them.

The only footage I’d be happy to see were my thoughts on Dante and his revolting ways. I’m certain I’m not the only girl who feels like he’s about as appealing as a chunk of mysterious carrot floating in a toilet-bowl of vomit.

The screen flashed on, theErotic Islandlogo glowing aqua and white. Then Clara’s face appeared. ‘I love him. I fucking do. Even though he cheated on me, I don’t care. I want him back.’ She wiped tears from her eyes, mascara and eyeliner smearing everywhere. ‘But I’m worried if I let him back in, I’ll never be able to live without him again. And once a cheater, always a fucking cheater. It’s like running back into the house where the serial killer is chasing you and being surprised when he fucks you all up and you fucking die with your intestines dangling all around you like Pad Thai.’

Meghan was next. ‘I’m so torn! Nik is everything I never knew I wanted. He’s funny and loving and strong and smart. I think I could fall in love with him. But we’re so different. How could we make it work? What would my ma say? And I’ve loved Callum since I was a wee girl. He’s so noble and honourable and honest. We both live in Belfast—I can see what our life would look like together.’ She let her scarlet hair fall forward, hiding her face. ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know.’

Henry. ‘Gosh, I don’t know. It’s not unethical to tell her how hard it will be, is it? I mean, yes, the press would have a field day. They’d analyse everything about her, how different she is, how I should be seeing an English girl, how far away our countries are. Maybe I should make a more logical choice; after all, there is someone else who I’m quite fond of, and we’d be much more compatible.’ He rubbed at his head, frustrated. ‘One girl is like my princess, the other is my deepest desire. I just don’t know.’

On and on it went. Scenes from our first day to the previous night, revealing everyone at their most honest. Nik broke down in tears at the thought of losing Meghan, while Callum gave a moving speech about the little girl he’d loved as a child. Pauline spoke candidly about giving up her career to move to NYC to be with Chase, while Chase stressed over telling Pauline he’d fallen in love with her—and admitted that he used to regularly use call girls himself.

There were only two clips I was desperate to see, and of course, they were saved until last.

When Chris’ face faded up, I recognised his black, coffee-stained shirt from the audition day. A voice from off-camera said, ‘Okay, Chris, can you just repeat what you told us before, for the camera?’

‘I’m Chris, and I’ve just fallen in love at first sight.’ He shook his head, dazed. ‘She walked in my café, and I knew, I just knew, she was the one.’

My skin prickled at his words. ‘But I blew it,’ he went on. ‘I freaked out when I heard she was auditioning for this show and I blew it. I need your help, guys—I know she’s still here in the running. Put me through to the next round, so I can see her again. Give me a second chance.’

The producer spoke again. ‘Chris, we’ve discussed it, and we’d like to take Tara on the show. But only if you accept too. We like this story, and the dynamic between the two of you.’

‘Nah, mate. I don’t want your million dollars. She’s the only prize I’m interested in.’

‘But what about her prize? She’s told us she desperately needs the money to help her sister—if you don’t say yes, she’ll miss out. Don’t you want to help her? Spend weeks on an island with her, trying to win her heart?’

‘I just want to see her again. I’ll do whatever it takes.’ His strong jaw set in a line, and those aqua eyes I love so much narrowed in determination.

The screen went black, but I didn’t need to see any more. I knew the rest. Chris had joined the show, and given up his normal life, for me. The only reason I am here right now, the only reason there’s a million dollars pending in my account, is because of him.

My own face was up next, tear-stained and bloated in grief. ‘Looking at him, distraught on the end of my bed, after spending the night by my side, I realised something horrifying; I’m falling in love with Chris.

‘I can’t be falling in love, I’m not allowed to fall in love, that’s not why I’m here! My brain threw lots of logic at me, but the feeling remained. Then my conscience dropped the bomb: You don’t deserve to be in love. After Ella, you deserve nothing.’

I was making myself cry, unable to tear my eyes from the screen, watching myself at my most vulnerable.

‘I’d already tried asking Chris to stay away and it didn’t work. And I couldn’t stop myself around him. My brain was addled with feelings for him, and my body was hopelessly his, even when I tried to avoid him. I knew what I had to do; I had to break whatever was between us, give him a reason not to love me back.’

The scene was edited, but the story was clear. ‘With my soul tearing, I forced myself to speak. ‘Get out, Chris. Whatever this is between us, I’m done.’’

As my pain-filled expression wiped out to the logo again, Miles piped up. ‘Well, that was very interesting, wasn’t it, contestants? Normally, competitors aren’t allowed to view any footage until after they return home, but for some of you, there were clearly some things you needed to know.’

He clapped in hands in giddy delight. ‘Now, ladies and gentlemen, the final gift; until midnight, all touch restrictions are lifted. Have fun, my dears …’

For a moment, his words hung on the air and nobody moved. Then, pandemonium broke out.

Nik charged across the room, scooping Meghan up in his arms and heading for the nearest tent. Callum sprinted after him, yelling, ‘Ay! That’s my Meghan! Put her down, you spear thrower!’ Nik released Meghan gently, then punched Callum square in the face. Callum roared and launched into Nik, the two of them rolling to the sand as crew raced to pull them apart.

Pauline and Chase ran into each other’s arms, like a scene from a movie. As they kissed fiercely, Chase said, ‘I love you, Pauline. Be my pretty woman.’ He swung her around in dizzying circles, and she laughed, open and happy.

Toshi dropped to his knees in front of Clara, holding her hands, beseeching her. Tears rolling down her face, Clara yelled, ‘Fuck my life!’ to the heavens, then knelt down and kissed him passionately. Locked into each other, they both cried as their kisses became more heated and earnest.

Loris had Mila down on the cushions, his honey-coloured hands on her breasts. She moaned something in Russian, and Babette sidled up. ‘Room for one more?’ The couple beckoned her down and the three of them embraced, Loris holding Mila from behind, sucking her neck and working her nipples, while Babette and Mila kissed, and Mila lifted her hands over her head, tugging on Loris’ hair.

Almost everyone had run to someone. Even Dante was necking with Rafaela—although, from what little I knew about the dominant South American, Dante would be working his ass off to pleasure her, not getting hisbellinodeep throated.

Only a few contestants didn’t move. Jen, Aanya and I remained motionless, and Henry and Chris faced me.

The world ceased to matter when Chris crossed the sand towards me, his legs looking extra long in the loose black cotton pants. Shirtless, save for a black vest, his chest heaved with emotion as he spoke my name. ‘Tara.’

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