Page 74 of Taking the Heat

Chapter 24

‘I was literally naked in Max’s bed when my phone rang,’ I said, hollowly. ‘She caught a ride with her friends, and the driver was just over the limit. He died in the crash, and so did another girl. Ella’s spine was crushed, and she almost died in the ambulance twice. She’ll never walk again, and it’s because of me.’ Sobs racked my body; I was unable to hold back the waves of guilt crashing though me. ‘I was slutty and selfish and stupid and I’ve ruined my sister’s life!’

With my eyes still closed, I felt Chris’ arms slide around me as he pulled me into his chest. I cried against his hot skin as he rubbed my back gently. ‘I deserve to go into that cabin, to have to shag a stranger against my will. It’s my punishment.’

‘Shhh … shhh …’ Chris rocked me slowly. ‘It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.’

‘How can you say that?’ I pulled back slightly, looking at him. ‘You heard what I did! If I chose Ella that night, she would be fine now! That’s why I can never choose myself again—don’t you understand?’

‘I do understand, babe,’ he spoke soothingly. ‘But you’re putting yourself through hell for nothing.’

‘Not nothing. I made a choice.’

‘So did the driver, when he chose to drive over the limit. So did Ella when she chose to get in a car with a P-plater who’d been drinking.’

Furious, I leapt to Ella’s defence. ‘That’s not her fault! She didn’t know what would happen!’

Chris kissed my hand. ‘Neither did you, babe. You can’t fix your sister by punishing yourself forever. Any choice we make could lead to disaster or bliss. There are some things we can’t control, and some we definitely can’t change.’

Chris’ words released me. I bawled like a child in his embrace, pouring out a year’s worth of mental torture and guilt. He held me tight, while the warm water swirled around our bodies, washing my sin away.

Eventually my tears slowed and I wiped my drippy face. ‘Okay. Okay, I’m good now.’

Chris chuckled gently. ‘No, you’re not. When we get home, we’re gonna find you a counsellor or a psychologist, a professional to help you. But for now, I just want you to accept that it’s okay for good things to happen to you.’

I traced his lips with my fingers. ‘Like you?’

‘Like us.’ He kissed me between the eyes, then used his wide fingers to brush the tears from my cheeks.

I leaned into his touch, ready for so much more, when a production manager said, ‘Okay guys, thirty more seconds, and your strike time is up.’

‘Shit!’ I yelled, starting forward. ‘We used a strike? No! I had plans for that strike!’

‘So did I, babe,’ Chris smiled sadly. He kissed me once, full on the lips, then lifted me off his lap. ‘But you needed comfort more than sex today.’

‘I’m not sure about that …’ I grumbled. Sniffing, I wiggled my toes out in front of me. I felt lighter, as if Chris had helped unclog the blackness festering within me. I smiled at my saviour. ‘Thanks, baby.’

‘I love you, Tara.’

‘I love you too,’ I murmured back.

Chris combed fingers through his slick hair. ‘So, now what?’

‘I want to talk,’ I decided. ‘No more secrets. Let’s talk about everything.’

We lounged in the rocky pool for hours, floating in the minerals, discussing everything from sushi to snowboarding. I found out about Chris’ parents, who were off on a six-month cruise around Europe, and his little brother, who was studying to be a surgeon.

‘Is that hard?’ I asked. ‘Your kid brother is going to be a doctor, and you’re working in a coffee shop. Do your parents ever give you grief?’

He shifted, uncomfortable. ‘Mum and dad support us both.’

He looked so thrown by the question, I recanted. ‘I’m sorry, baby. That’s a really rude question. I’m sure your parents are proud of you.’

‘Yeah … hey, tell me about your job?’

The conversation moved on, and I was glad Chris didn’t stay weird.

Finally, my fingers were so pruney, I was worried my skin might just slither off my bones. We jumped out and towelled off, walking over to where lunch was waiting for us under a hut with a thatched roof.

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