Page 73 of Taking the Heat

I hadn’t realised how hungry I was until I saw the food. Grabbing a banana muffin, I swallowed it just about whole, while Chris watched me, grinning.

‘Hungry, much?’

‘Swimming always makes me ravenous,’ I explained, my mouth full. ‘When I was a kid, I would swim in the morning and then demolish anything I found in the fridge.’

‘Same. My parents moved us to near Bells Beach when I was thirteen, so I surfed all the time. The local Maccas saw a lot of business from me post-surf.’

Momentarily distracted by the sight of Chris eating round, red strawberries, I answered, ‘God, I wish I’d learned how to surf. Ella and I always planned on it, but we didn’t get there.’

Tragedy is strange. Sometimes, you’ll be paddling along, fine, and thenBAM!—it sneaks up and smacks you.

The memory of my sister, happy and whole, waving Gold Coast surfing holiday flyers at me, whipped me across my heart. My face fell and Chris noticed.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ He slid closer to me, concerned.

‘Nothing.’

‘Tara,’ he said, blue eyes penetrating. ‘Tell me, what’s in your head right now?’

‘I just … I forget, okay? I try and try to not allow myself to enjoy things, because she can’t anymore, but I forget, and then I feel horrible!’ I turned away from him. ‘I don’t deserve this. Any of it.’

‘Okay, enough!’ Chris raised his voice, cutting through my self-loathing. ‘Right, babe, this is it. Here and now, we lay everything out on the line. No more secrets, no more avoiding the topic. Tell me; what happened with your sister?’

I deflected. ‘Nothing. She’s in a wheelchair, isn’t that enough?’

‘No, it’s not. Babe, this isn’t just guilt because you can do things she can’t anymore. There’s something else. Tell me.’

I seem to be crying an awful lot lately. Fresh tears brimmed in my eyes, falling away and joining the water around me. ‘I can’t. You’ll hate me.’

‘I could never hate you. Tell me.’

‘Chris … I don’t think I can!’ Weeping, I hid my face in my wet hands.

‘Tara, listen to me: whatever you are carrying around inside yourself, whatever you’re punishing yourself for, I can’t help you unless you tell me.’ He moved through the water until he was right in front of my face. ‘Talk to me, babe. Close your eyes if it helps. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.’

Shaking, I closed my eyelids, and told him the story.

Ella stood in front of me, glorious in her yellow tunic dress. ‘Hey, sis! Are you ready to go?’

Rubbing my feet, I tried to catch the eye of my cousin’s best friend, Max, the guy I’d been dancing with all night. He looked up and winked at me, heading our way.

I answered Ella. ‘Why don’t you head home without me?’

Max sat next to me and Ella ceased to exist. ‘Hey, beautiful,’ said Max, reaching for my feet and drawing them into his lap. ‘Can I help you with that?’

As he began to rub my feet, I surreptitiously pressed my toes against his groin. ‘Mmm … that feels good …’

‘I’m told I’m good with my hands.’ Max let his hand slide up to my calf, teasing the skin.

‘Okay, wow! Get a room, you two!’ My sister intruded on my sexy little moment with Max.

I winked at Max. ‘I’m game if you are.’

Ella huffed, putting her hands on her hips. ‘Fine. I’ll find my own way home. Later!’

She swished off, but I barely noticed, leaning into Max. ‘Let’s go back to your place,’ I breathed in his ear.

Over his shoulder, I saw Ella waving goodbye, her silver shoes skipping out the door. It was the last time I saw her using her legs.

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