Page 75 of Taking the Heat

As we tucked into cold wraps and hot fries, I stared at Chris across the small table. With his sapphire eyes happy and clear, he stuffed a massive handful of fries in his mouth, then grinned at me. ‘What?’ he mumbled through the food.

‘I love you.’

‘I know.’

‘That’s not the right answer!’ I said, throwing a fry at him.

‘Ow! I love you too, you violent woman!’

‘Chris,’ I said, growing serious. ‘How am I going to do this?’

He munched noisily. ‘What?’

‘Go into that cabin. How can I go in there when I love you so much, and I’m not trying to punish myself anymore?’ I suddenly felt very small and breakable.

Moving around the table to sit with me, Chris reassured me. ‘It’s going to be okay, I promise.’

‘You don’t know that.’ I imagined being in the fantasy cabin, with hands groping me and a tongue pushing against my mouth. Revolted, I shook my head. ‘I would do anything to get out of going in there. I mean, anything.’

Carefully, Chris said, ‘Do you want me to give you an out? Do you want me to tell you not to go in there?’

Part of me did want him to deny me permission. I love him. If Chris said ‘don’t do it’, I wouldn’t.

But for so many reasons, I knew I still had to see this thing through. For the other person in the cabin, for my sister, even for myself. If I used Chris as my excuse, I might end up resenting him, and that’s the last thing I wanted. ‘No …’

‘It’s going to be okay, babe. I promise.’ Chris’ face was so relaxed and hopeful, I let myself believe him.

When lunch was done, we boarded the buggy and bounced back down the hill. At my door, I leaned in to kiss him goodbye without thinking.

‘Whoa! Careful!’ Chris drew back. ‘You’ve only got one strike left now.’

‘Stupid!’ I said, slapping myself on the head. ‘At least you’ve got two still.’

Chris rubbed his neck. ‘Um …’

‘What? Who did you use a strike with?’ Jealousy gushed like a fiery geyser in my heart.

‘Aanya,’ said Chris, sheepishly.

‘Chris!’

‘I’m sorry! It was after you dumped me in hospital. We had a date the next day, and she’s a lovely girl, and she asked me to kiss her. What was I supposed to say?’

‘No!’

‘Tara.’ He gave me a look and I relented.

‘Oh, fine. But just so you know, I don’t like her.’

‘Yes, you do.’

‘Argh! I do! But you like me more, right?’

‘No.’ I started to rile up, but he laughed. ‘I love you more.’

‘Oh, thank god for that.’ I laughed along with him.

‘Hey, listen, I have an idea.’ Chris leaned down and whispered quietly in my ear. ‘I want you to go to your fantasy cabin tonight.’

---