Page 55 of Reluctant Chemistry

She shrugged, just the slight lift of one shoulder, but didn’t reply.

“So, you’re still holding a grudge after all this time? Shouldn’t we be past all that?”

CeCe knew she should keep her mouth shut, and yet… “Maybe, but I won’t pretend that you didn’t have an effect. So please don’t expect me to bow to your apology, or whatever this is.”

His frown deepened. “If you think I’m here to apologize, I’m not. I did what I believed was right at the time. Let you go—”

“You didn’t let me go, Luka. You pushed me so you wouldn’t have to deal with the fallout. Anyway, I’m kind of busy right now. Mitch can’t be far away—would you like me to call him?”

Luka huffed. Shook his head. She half expected him to roll his eyes, but they stayed focused on her. “You genuinely believe there was no fallout?” His tone offered an abrupt change. “I went through weeks of investigation by the Teachers’ Association and damn near lost my license. So yes, there was definitely fallout.”

Now it was her turn to frown. This was news to CeCe. “But I thought they dealt with it at board level?”

“That was the plan, but the other board members outvoted Carole and your father six to two. So even though I’d left the school, the complaint still went through the proper channels, and unfortunately, the details of how we met didn’t matter to them. I crossed a line I should never have crossed.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You had my number.”

“Because I didn’t want to put you through any more drama. Besides, what would it have achieved? I asked your father not to say anything, and yes, I’d already decided to leave teaching, but I wanted to keep my options open. My grandfather was so proud of me when I graduated. He’d wanted to go to university when he was younger but had to work the farm, so I felt like I’d let him down.”

She paused to steady her breath. “I’m sorry. That must have been difficult for you.”

“It wasn’t pleasant. So maybe next time I cross your mind, you could try playing the scenario from a different angle. Realize you weren’t the only one hurting.”

CeCe remained silent, waiting for him to verbalize more of his thoughts from their past. After he’d left Tulloch Point, her younger self had spent months trying to scramble back to the life she knew, and when he hadn’t contacted her in the weeks following, she’d been so unsettled that she’d built up a fierce resentment. Over the subsequent years, that resentment still surfaced at times of self-doubt and uncertainty.

“I get that I upset you when I walked away,” he continued. “But, like I said, I thought I was doing the right thing. Giving you space to grow up without my interference. Plus, I had a lot going on before I left. I’d failed my final practical exam and had to redo it, so not everything was about you.”

CeCe had heard as much through the Tulloch Point grapevine, but not until after Luka had left, when Travis told her in the only way he knew how—in vengeance. “I’m sorry. I know how much it meant to you to pass.”

“Yeah, well, in hindsight, my ego got in the way. I guess I had a lot of growing up to do too but didn’t realize it back then.”

CeCe nodded. He’d been twenty-six when they met. She’d thought he had life all sorted out, but many people suffered from their own version of imposter syndrome, and perhaps Luka wasn’t immune.

“Anyway, you’re busy, so I’ll leave you to it. I wish you every success.”

“Thanks.”

As he walked away, CeCe sat on a carton and cursed under her breath. After their last brief encounter, she’d often imagined them meeting up again, and in that imagination, the scenario differed from the reality. They’d chat and reminisce, leaving any animosity where it belonged—in the past.

But CeCe had learned how to cling to a grudge from a master. Her father loved the clutch of a good old grudge, and it wasn’t until she went to university that she realized how holding on to them can eat you up inside. She’d needed that separation from home and the small-town lifestyle to allow her to see things clearly and ditch her country-girl streak.

Lately, CeCe had congratulated herself on the progress that time and distance had allowed her. She’d moved from Tulloch Point, Botanical Ce was now a reality, and she was back playing tennis. But some days, when tired and alone and struggling with self-doubt, she still blamed Luka for leaving the way he did. Still embraced the hurt.

Maybe she hadn’t come that far after all.

Later that evening, as CeCe strolled across the driveway toward the loft, restless and unable to focus on work, a loneliness she kept telling herself she was too busy for stirred. Tayla’s comment about dating may have been in jest, but she wondered if it was time to put herself out there.

However, as she sat in front of the TV, a plate of leftovers balanced in one hand and a fork in the other, CeCe couldn’t stop thinking about Luka and how self-absorbed she’d been after he left Tulloch Point. His words from that afternoon played again in her head.You weren’t the only one hurting.

For the past four and a half years, she’d cast Luka in the role of deserter, failing to consider his feelings because she was too engrossed in her own.

She moved through to the kitchen and stacked her plate into the dishwasher then flicked on the kettle. From a side table in the living area, Anna—the blue butterfly resting in the hollow at the base of her throat—smiled out at her from a photograph CeCe took on her sixteenth birthday.

Oh to be a teenager again, with Anna by her side. They’d spend hours taking selfies and flirting with boys at the beach and many more on the tennis court. And as soon as they went to bed, they’d be texting each other about nothing, everything, and everyone.

Tea made, CeCe padded to the sofa, picked up the silver frame, and sighed. “How did I get it so wrong, Anna?”

27

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