Page 78 of Reluctant Chemistry

“No problem.” She watched as the last of his coffee dripped into the cup. “Would you like some breakfast?”

“Just a coffee would be great.”

She took four slices of toast from the toaster and placed them in the rack before setting his coffee in front of him. “Help yourself to toast. I made extra.”

Luka picked up his cup and took a sip and then another, but he didn’t speak.

CeCe couldn’t stand the silence. What was he doing? Trying to decide whether he was interested…or not? Shuffling words around on the tip of his tongue? Last night had been amazing, but now they were acting like strangers scrabbling for a second chance.

Holding her coffee in both hands, CeCe rested her butt against the counter. She inhaled its aroma. “How’s work?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she wished she could grab them back. Small talk wasn’t his thing, but her nervousness often made her babble on about nothing.

“Good. Busy.” He sipped. “But I’ve a week off soon. I thought maybe we could go away somewhere together.”

“Actually, I’m kind of committed until I launch.”

“What about next month—the weekend of the third?”

CeCe hesitated before deciding honesty was the only way forward. She didn’t have to feel guilty for planning to spend time with a friend. “Sorry, I’ve already got something on that weekend. With Nick. Remember I told you about him?”

He rubbed his index finger over his top lip as he studied her.Silence.She wanted to butter him a slice of toast, cut it in half and smother it with honey, but the knife stayed on the plate, and her hands remained wrapped around the mug.

The change in his expression was barely noticeable. A quick look down at his cup and then back to her, the distance between them hovering over shaky ground. “I remember,” he finally said.

“Are you okay?”

Luka massaged the back of his neck, indicating he had something important on his mind. “Not really,” he murmured. “I don’t think I can do this.”

She took a seat beside him at the island and braced herself for what was about to come. “Do you mean you don’t want to see me again? He’s just a friend, Luka.”

“Yeah, so you said.”

“Are you upset because I have guy friends? That’s hardly fair.”

He paused and sipped his coffee. “Look, there’s just so much baggage from our past that we’ve never dealt with, but here we are, hooking up like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Twice, we’ve hooked up twice.”

He let her words hang for a moment, the twitch in his jaw visible under his skin. “You once accused me of not fighting for you, but I did fight for you…fought for you to be free of me. I realize I hurt you, but I hurt too, even before it was over.”

Having no desire to fill the ensuring void, she waited for him to continue.

“Some nights, after we’d been together, I’d lie awake with that empty feeling inside and ask myself if that was all we had—stolen nights and two-in-the-morning goodbyes. And I won’t pretend what happened between us back then was just some drunken hookup that I don’t recall or have chosen to forget. That’s not who I am.”

CeCe remembered his words from that day in the lab:maybe next time I cross your mind, you could try playing the scenario from a different angle.She’d mistaken Luka’s resolve for indifference, thought because he was older, he hadn’t hurt as deeply as she had. But she was wrong. People all hurt differently, but also, very much the same.

“Didn’t you feel empty,” he continued, “driving back to your parents’ orchard alone after spending half the night in my bed?”

“Of course I did,” she said softly. “But I was eighteen, and all kinds of mixed up. I didn’t know how to handle a guy like you. I still don’t.”

“Maybe our first step is to move on?”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

“Is it?” Luka sighed, shook his head. “Despite what your rumor mill says about me, I’ve no interest in one-night stands or casual reunion sex.”

CeCe swallowed hard, his declaration and her physical reaction different to how she’d imagined their morning after playing out. “So, you’re saying it’s all or nothing? Is that fair?”

“No, probably not.” He brushed a strand of hair from her face. “But the chemistry between us screams for attention. We both know it. And sure, you’re busy with your friends and job and new business, but what are you so afraid of? That you might like me more than you want to? That I’ll expect commitment?”

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