“I’m glad you asked, Beta,” I replied, matching his tone. “First, I want you to reach out to other packs and try to establish new alliances. Wind Howlers isn’t big, but we have a lot to offer.”
“Warrick has been teaching me about negotiations. I’m sure I can get us a deal or two.”
“That’s just what I needed to hear.” I smiled, a bit more relieved. “It might be worth it to focus your efforts on getting a treaty with a larger pack. It’ll be harder than trying to convince smaller packs, but if we get the right Alpha on our side, it could be enough.”
“I’m on it.” Malin nodded confidently.
“What do you have for me?” Zach leaned forward, showing a little bit of curiosity, which was rare.
“I need you to take a look at our current defense system and see if it can be improved to keep the Fallen away. I know you don’t have a lot of experience with that yet, but-”
“I’ve been watching my father for years.” He furrowed his brows, apparently offended by my remark. “I know what to do.”
“At least you did your research on the days you skipped training,” Malin teased.
“I’d just rather use my time in more practical ways.”
“Of course you would.”
“Alright, guys.” I caught their attention before they started fighting for real. “Can I trust you to do that?”
“Yes, Alpha,” they both replied in unison, with a naturalness I wasn’t expecting.
“If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to come to me. You’re dismissed.”
They rose from their seats, bowing their heads at me before turning around to leave. We were young, and we surely still had a lot to learn, but seeing their determination made me feel a little more confident.
Now, I just had to take care of my other…personal problem.
6 | Weak
As a leader, I tried to remain positive in the face of difficulty, but every time the sun set, it carried away part of my hope along with it - and unlike the golden star, it was never reborn with a new dawn.
Five days had gone by since the Power Transfer Ceremony. Because all of my nights after I officially stepped in as Alpha were spent at the library, I hadn’t gotten any sleep. It would have been worth it had I found any information regarding why I had been the first wolf in history to get an opposite-gender counterpart. But sadly, that wasn’t the case. Elder Laelius hadn’t reached out to me either, which could only mean his research so far was turning out to be just as fruitless as mine. To my detriment, my problems didn’t stop there.
My Delta was still doing her best to keep the rumors from spreading even after Zach’s father retired, but you can only hide shit from wolf ears for so long. Whenever I wandered through the common area of the pack house or the gardens in the main square, I would hear members whispering about my she-wolf. I often felt like Dawn was purposely directing our heightened hearing toward them just to spite me, but it was probably my own fault, as I couldn’t stop thinking about what they were saying about me.
Eventually, what my father feared the most ended up happening. Another one of our allies sought me with the purpose of breaking our alliance, claiming to have heard about my female counterpart. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him. Our chances in a war against a powerful unknown enemy were already slim, and the news about me - the Alpha whose soul had been tied to a female wolf - didn’t help turn the odds in our favor.
The females who used to constantly surround me were now keeping their distance as well, so I hadn’t gotten laid since my birthday. It might seem stupid considering the other major issues I had in my hands, but sex was my only escape. Without it, the emptiness I felt inside was slowly growing, driving me insane. I found their behavior odd at first, until I caught some of the girls whispering about how I must be gay.
That wasn’t even the worst of the rumors. Pack members left and right were theorizing about possible reasons why I had been cursed with a female counterpart. The one I heard the most was that I probably didn’t deserve a male wolf because I wasn’t fit to rule; that my she-wolf reflected my inner weakness. Well, the Elder did say the Moon Goddess makes no mistake… Maybe he was right. Maybe everyone was right.
Perhaps the reason why she had paired me with a she-wolf was because I was weak.
“Of course they think that!” The voice I had dreaded since the first time I’d heard it echoed inside my head. “Wolves need someone strong to guide them, and right now, you’re a weak leader. You think you’re a mighty Alpha wolf, but you act like a scared kitten!” Her words stunned me. “All you do is whine all day! How can you expect respect when you keep throwing yourself pity parties? You bow your head to some stupid rumors, you let everyone talk behind your back!”
I had a feeling she would go on all day if I didn’t interrupt her. “How can I defend myself when they’re right? I’m a freak. All because of you!”
“Me?! You thinkyou’rethe only victim here?” She raised her tone as anger consumed her - I could feel it as if it was my own. “What do you think it’s like being locked in your closed mind? It’s freaking claustrophobic here! You never listen to me. You haven’t let me out since we met. I’ve been caged for almost a week!”
I opened my mouth to counter, but a pinch of pain struck me and the words got caught in my throat. As much as I wanted to say she was wrong, I knew she wasn’t. I had been taking all of my anger out on her, but I failed to see the other side - she didn’t choose to be with me either. Was I really a bad counterpart? No… I was awful. I treated her like shit from the moment we met.
“All because I’m a female,” she concluded.
My lack of sleep seemed to intensify my emotions. I was mostly enraged, but when guilt overshadowed everything else, I felt the urge to apologize to Dawn. Sadly, before I could figure out where to start, I heard a knock on the office door. After taking a moment to collect myself, I muttered ‘come in.’ Confusion hit me when my eyes fell on Alpha Anders of Silver Claw, one of our oldest allies, standing right beside my father. As an ally, he could enter our territory as he pleased, but I wondered why he hadn’t notified me first.
“Alpha Anders.” I stood up from my chair to shake his hand. There was something about his aura… It was different than it had been on the night of the meeting. I looked at my father in search of answers, but he seemed just as clueless as me. Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to the man. “Please, take a seat. I wasn’t expecting your visit. Are you here for a formal meeting? Let me call my Beta so we can-”