Page 46 of Rejected and Regretted

He smirked, dodging another playful punch. "Maybe I'm just letting you think that."

Our banter continued as we moved around, and I could barely process the meaning of it, but I was actually having fun. Laughter mixed with the sounds of our light sparring, Koen’s tension easing little by little. But beneath the surface, there was something else - maybe I was having too much fun, because I failed to see it.

After ducking from another one of Koen’s strikes, I attacked him from below, pushing him back and onto the trunk of the tree that marked my childhood. With my forearms against his throat, I secured him in place, adding only necessary force. Surprise was etched on his expression, but he wasn’t suspicious of my swiftness - after all, he hadn’t been giving me his all.

We smiled at each other as our panting breaths mingled. I didn’t notice the change in Koen’s demeanor, not until his grin began to fade, a more serious - yet still relaxed - expression stretching over his face. Time seemed to freeze, and he started leaning closer, his mouth seeking mine.

But this time, I didn’t let myself be hypnotized by him. I couldn’t afford to let this happen. Not again.

As our lips were about to meet, I shoved him away. This time, I felt no anger - only sadness.

"No," I said, my voice breaking. "You don't get to keep doing this."

"Avril, I—" he started, approaching me again, but I kept my distance, turning my back to him and cutting him off.

"You had your chance, Koen," I reminded him, my voice trembling. "And you made your choice. For both of our sakes, own it."

In a split second, our brief moment of peace was shattered. Perhaps I was not strong enough to hate him like I had told him - like I wanted to - but I knew this had gone too far. I had already let him under my skin; I couldn’t let anything else develop between us. I couldn’t get involved with him.

As I began walking away, Koen didn’t try to stop me.

29

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A V R I L

Another day went bywhere Koen and I didn’t speak to each other. It was a good opportunity to be with my friends and do anything other than think about what I shouldn’t feel for the mate I never had. After what he had told me, I’m sure he had his own problems to take care of, too.

And whenever I let my guard down, I found myself feeling guilty for not being there for him after he confided in me.

But then again, he hadn’t been there for me for the past five years. The one time I needed him to stand up for me, to protect me from his father’s cruelty, he didn’t. So, I learned not to rely on anyone else. Perhaps he should, too.

“I think he already has,”Kea chimed in, to my surprise.

Confused, I had to ask,“Why do you say that?”

“It doesn’t seem like he has many friends, don’t you agree?”

Her suggestion made me stop and ponder. During the weeks I had spent at Whispering Hills, I couldn’t recall seeing him with other people often. It didn’t strike me as particularly weird, considering that his position left little time to hang out with friends. His best friend was probably his beta, and they did spend a lot of time together. Though it didn’t seem like they were as close as they used to be before I was exiled from the pack.

“Look, you’re not gonna like this, but…”She sighed, pausing briefly before continuing,“I don’t think you and Koen are all that different.”

Damn right, I didn’t like that. I honestly couldn’t see what the both of us had in common other than being alphas.

Kea didn’t leave me to wonder.“Just like you, he also lost his parents. It’s obvious he has trust issues, which makes him isolate himself from the others around him,”she pointed out.“But instead of being forced into that position, I think he chose to distance himself from his family and friends to defend what he believes in.”

“I don’t follow,”I admitted.

My wolf huffed.“He’s nothing like his father, Avril. I truly believe he wants to do better than Rockwell.”

“Well, I think he made that clear when he confessed to having chosen his pack over me,”I muttered, bitterness coating my tongue.

“Can you blame him?”Kea pressed.

Again, I paused. Maybe back then I did. When I was younger, an omega who was bullied by everyone, I longed to find the one who would love me despite my bloodline. I would have given up everything for the matebond, but to be fair, I didn’t have much to lose. After becoming an alpha, my actions started impacting others, too. My heart shrunk at the idea of forsaking the people who depended on me.

I bit my tongue. There was no way I would ever admit to feeling empathy for Koen, not even to my wolfish conscience. As long as I didn’t say the words out loud, it wasn’t true.

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