Page 4 of Shattered and Saved

My initial reaction was to widen my eyes, both in shock and in fear. I knew he was right, was it that obvious for him to notice it? Did others have the same perception? I dreaded what the pack would think of me, their alpha, if my performance started declining. Ready to defend my honor, I straightened myself in my chair, raising my head as I looked directly into his eyes.

“If you think you can beat me in a match, I’ll gladly prove you wrong,” I replied defensively, with a sharpness my friend didn’t deserve.

He immediately lowered his head, grimacing. “I meant no offense, Alpha,” he corrected. “I’m merely concerned.”

“About my strength?” I pushed.

“About your state of mind,” he clarified, surprising me. “I’m worried that you’re not…happy.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course I’m happy. I’m overjoyed,” I countered. “I’ve dreamt of finding the ashes since I became alpha.”

Theo shook his head. “No, Avril, what I was trying to say is-”

“Oh, Goddess,” Elijah chimed in, lowering the papers that were covering his head as he held them up - I had a feeling he had been doing it not only to better read them, but also to appear invisible as he listened to our conversation. “Theo, you’re helpless!” he scolded, earning an apologetic smile from his mate. “Leave this to me,” he said, hurrying toward the beta and urging him off his seat.

Puzzled, I watched as my gamma shoved his mate out of my office, pretty much evicting him. Once there was only the two of us, he turned to me, his features softening. He fluttered toward me, taking Theo’s place across from me on the desk.

“Come on girl, you can spill the beans now. Tell me everything,” he demanded, interlacing his fingers over the table.

I tried to lie straight to his face, “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Oh, but there is, sweetie. You can’t fool me,” he insisted, not an ounce of uncertainty in his expression. I opened my mouth, ready to die trying to keep up the lie, but he stopped me. “I know you miss him.”

“Who? Koen?” I scoffed, pathetically attempting to sound unimpressed, but my voice cracked the second I spoke his name. Elijah immediately gave me a “you’re busted” look.

With a frown, I gave in, “Fine. Maybe I kinda do think about him every now and then.”

“More like all the time,” he rectified, flashing me a sympathetic look. “A lot happened between you two, Avril. You don’t have to be ashamed about your feelings or pretend that they don’t exist. Talk to me,” he encouraged.

At last, I flopped on my chair, letting my head fall back and covering my face in distress. “I don’t know, Eli. This is insane. He’s like a plague, always on my mind,” I confessed. “I thought if I got things straight between us, I’d finally be able to move on, but no. It doesn’t make any sense. He’s not my mate anymore - he’s never really been my mate, considering that he rejected me before anything could ever happen between us.”

After a moment of silence where Elijah studied me, he sighed. “Honey, at this point, I don’t think it’s just the reminiscing bond pulling you toward Koen anymore,” he suggested, to my utmost disbelief, though it didn’t quite shock me as what he said next. “I think you’re genuinely in love with him.”

I blinked a few times, processing what Elijah had just said. A moment later, I burst out laughing like a maniac.

“Me? In love?” I said sarcastically. “And with Koen out of all people…” I thought out loud. My laugh gradually died down, andseriousness permeated my features - terror, actually. “Fuck,” I breathed out, eyes wide in despair as I rested my elbows on the desk, hands pressed to both sides of my face. “This can’t be true.”

“Or you at least started to fall. There’s nothing wrong with being in love, Avril,” Elijah revealed. “In fact, in a world where mates are chosen for us, you’re lucky to fall for someone out of your own free will.”

“Free will?!” I half-laughed, half-scoffed in disbelief. There was no way in hell I would ever admit that I was infatuated with Koenbecause I fucking wanted to. This must be the doing of some evil creature.

Either way, it didn’t change how I felt.

I exhaled in resignation, glancing at Elijah. “What should I do?” I asked - no, Ipleaded.

“My my, the Alpha asking me for advice! I’m honored.” He covered his open mouth with his hand, feigning exaggerated shock. As silly as his gesture was, it helped lighten the mood. Leaning forward on the table, eyes locked on mine, he instructed, “Go find him, Avril.”

I hesitated. “What for?” I shrugged. “He’ll never want to see me again after what I did. Even if he did, what would I tell him?”

“The truth,” he replied without a second thought. “Everything.”

If I was crazy, Elijah was completely insane. But, for lack of a better option, I ended up agreeing with him.

That was it. For better or worse, here I was, just a few feet from the border of Whispering Hills, returning to the lands I swore never to set foot in again.

After my conversation with Elijah, he insisted I shouldn’t wait any longer. He convinced Theo to drive me all the way to Koen’s territory, promising to come up with an excuse for my absence from the pack. My beta and I rode all afternoon, stopping at the road closest to the woods, where he would wait until I had resolved things with my former mate.

It was a good thing Kea was in control, or I might have questioned my sanity and turned right back around to admit myself to the nearest asylum. She stuck her nose in the air, unconcerned about consequences as she tried to catch the alpha’s scent. I silently prayed he was close to the border; it would be much more complicated if I had to formally ask the sentinels for permission to enter their lands. They hadn’t exactly been friendly the first time, and back then, I wasn’t even a thief or wanted criminal.

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