Page 115 of The Last De Loughrey Dynasty

Just for tonight.

But can we keep this promise?

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

DOROTHEE

It’s beentwo weeks since Cassandra fell victim to Kane’s thirst for power.

The morning after, we were advised to all attend the dining hall by eight o’clock to listen to Headmaster Shaw inform us that Cassandra Mitchell had fallen down the stairs on the evening of May first and suffered such intense injuries that she sadly passed away that night. We held a memorial service two days later, where no one stepped up to tell a story about our beloved classmate. Because no one really knew the shy girl.

I’d asked Anwir why they covered up her cause of death being suicide, just as they did with Alessandra and, as I now know, Amita too. He said that Headmaster Shaw was a good friend and well-known to the police of Owley. He couldn’t risk the reputation of his school being tainted by students taking their own lives when they praised how incredibly helpful the stay here is to heal or live with the severe challenges teenagers face, while still managing to be the only elite academy in this area.

I had been shocked by myself when I didn’t feel disgusted or angry by what he had told me. In fact, I felt nothing at all. It’s a constant state I find myself in since May Day. The only time inmy days I actually felt the weight of burying my emotions deep inside me was at night.

Maisie and Naomi were by my side through all of it. Through the hyperventilating while my head hung above the toilet, being so sure I’d have to puke my intestines out because the weight of my fate was crushing me. They didn’t judge me or tell me I was overreacting. Naomi held my hair while Maisie drew circles on my back until I calmed, and we all slipped underneath the covers of my bed. They kept me in their middle, seemingly protecting me from everything bad coming for me at night.

Maisie held me in her arms until sleep stole me away for at least an hour before the night terrors woke me, and I stared at the ceiling until the first beams of sun lightened our room.

When Dottie promised me I’d see her again, I hadn’t thought she meant that I had to relive her death night after night until I memorised how she pleaded with James to remember their love as he dragged her by her hair through the mud, not a single hint of regret or pain crossing his face. Her agonising fear when the realisation hit her that she’d die that night and nothing could change her fate.

She died in the woods, I think. The dreams are blurry. I relive them through Dottie’s view, who was fully focused on the man she loved, even in death.

“Feel free to ask me anything, Dorothee.” I looked up at Anwir, who sat across from me on the chair in his office.

It had been two weeks since I last talked to him. That was because, in some way, I felt betrayed by him. That he pretended to know nothing about the world beyond the veil and preferred to make me think I had some sort of psychosis at first, not saying anything about what he knew. But after two weeks of skipping my weekly sessions with him, he sent me an email stating that these sessions were still required and wished for by my parents.I’d get in trouble if I skipped seeing my psychologist on the assigned dates.

Now, I was sitting in my usual place on his couch in my school uniform, fidgeting nervously with the pendant of my tourmaline necklace. Not knowing what to say—or where to even start.

“We can also spend these sessions in silence. It’s whatever you feel comfortable with because I know I betrayed your trust, something you’ve struggled with since childhood.”

I inhaled sharply. “Then why did you do it? If you knew I’d feel naive and used when I eventually found out. It’s not fair. I trusted you.” He had grown very dear to me in a way I believe an older brother would have felt like. I learned to trust and like Anwir Chadwick because he treated me like a human being, while everyone always handled me like a creature without feelings.

“Fairness differentiates itself based on the different views of each individual in our society, Dorothee. From my perspective, it was fair to let you discover the legacy of Aquila Hall Academy on your own. Sometimes it’s cleverer to let a person live life through experience rather than shielding them from a fall and intervening. The person would be more likely to view the seriousness of a situation superficially instead of knowing the depths and dangers it’ll carry.” He sighed, folding the cuffs of his shirt back to his elbows. “The reason I came back to Aquila Hall was because I wanted to find the Book of Shadows and find a way to destroy it once and for all. I knew that at some point the fifty years would be up and that a new generation of the seven families would have to relive the cycle. But this time, I wanted to end it. No more people—children—will come to harm if I can prevent that. I’m not gifted with your ability. The chances of me finding the Book of Shadows were low, near zero, without you. So I kept in the background, listening to you and coincidentallyappearing in the same places where you or your friends needed the help of an adult.” Like the time Maisie, Naomi and I returned from the chapel with the diary, and Kane almost confiscated it. “I subtly pushed you toward the others in an attempt to challenge fate sooner for the book to reveal itself to you. You have to believe me when I say I thought you all would be safer if I stayed in the background, for Kane not to suspect anything. But unfortunately, life is never that easy.”

Anwir stood up and walked over to his desk, where he opened a drawer and took out a stack of papers bound together by metal staples.

“Here, these are all my notes on you and the other families and on your search for the book, with dates.” He placed the hefty stack on my lap and sat back in his chair. “I recorded every single detail I overheard or searched for myself. You can have it to decide whether you trust me or not. I’m not forcing you to do anything, it’s fully your decision.”

I flipped through the pages where all the research he had done was documented. The dates go back almost a year before I arrived here, when he started at Aquila as the school’s psychologist. This part of the papers was half the size of the ones documented after my arrival.

“I know you’re a very curious person. I can only assume the questions going through your head. So if you look at the endpapers, you’ll find a detailed explanation of why it isn’t as easy as trying to sell Professor Kane out to the police or, as Naomi suggested, killing him before he kills us.” The pages he referred to were hefted at the back and weren’t small at all. He must have thought about every doubt I could have and tried to work against them, which was initially enough proof for me that he meant what he said. Besides, I couldn’t imagine Anwir being a liar. I’ve done my research over the last two weeks about his time as a student at the school. He had been honourable on severaloccasions. He was the head of the Aquila Hall event committee, helped out in the cafeteria cleaning after school hours, and was the best of his year. All of these things surely gave him vitamin B in receiving his job here after he received his doctorate. Besides, I found enough pictures of him, Amita, and Kane to prove his story of their friendship before everything went down.

“Alright, I’ll read into it, and perhaps it will make me trust you again.” I already knew it probably would, and I would just hand it to the others to prove it to them too.

Anwir nodded in an understanding gesture. I checked the watch on my wrist. Another twenty minutes to go. Perfect. All I craved right now was the safe place underneath the duvet on my bed.

“How are you doing?” What an odd question to ask in my situation.

"I am tired and feel empty, and I cannot handle any more. This facade crumbles each time when I try to find rest. It is exhausting, and it won’t stop.”

Would rest ever find me again, or will the next rest I know be forever?

“That’s a normal reaction to what you have witnessed. There’s so much weight laying on your shoulders right now, Dorothee, that I think your body is trying to use feeling nothing as a form of coping mechanism. Quite frankly, that’s one of the most dangerous coping mechanisms a person can develop because, as you mentioned, as soon as this survival mode you’re experiencing breaks down, all these suppressed emotions hit you all at once. That’s most likely to happen when you’re alone with the thoughts in your head, which is at night when the whole world goes quiet,” Anwir explained, resting his elbows on his knees to have a better look at me.

The entire session, I kept my head bowed to hide the way I looked because I didn’t want pity, or recommendations on whatto do. Because I knew nothing would change until after the ball when we had fixed everything and I could live a happy and long life. When I could kiss Archer as much as I wanted to, and just for tonight would turn into every night until eternity. But that was wishful thinking.

When I looked up, his eyes softened. There it was, the expression I wanted to avoid.

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