Page 57 of The Last De Loughrey Dynasty

“It was nice today,” Doe mumbled, swallowing her food before continuing. “Ebony is a really gentle horse. I think next time I won’t be so afraid.”

Bloody hell.

“There won’t be a next time.”

She looked up at me, surprise flickering across her face, but she quickly masked it. “Right. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, in general, if I ever ride a horse again, I won’t feel as scared as I did before today.”

I cut a piece of roast beef, stabbing it aggressively with my fork so the metal scraped against the plate. Without looking at her, I gave a curt reply, “good for you.”

Feeling her gaze retreat from me, I swallowed hard. She grew quiet for a moment, and I feared that this was how it had to be.

I had to be the mean, unlikeable arsehole. It was necessary for reasons she couldn’t understand. And I didn’t want her to understand. I just wanted to keep her safe. If that meant acting like this, so be it.

I’d rather she saw me as a violent villain than an innocent lover who had willingly sold her soul to death.

“Did I upset you?” she asked, her voice so quiet it made my stomach turn.

Was she truly sad that we were back on this cold, distant path?

I shrugged, acting as if I didn’t care. “No. Why?”

“I just… today, I thought we had, like, a— Forget it, Arsehole.” Hurt tinged her voice.

“Alright,” was all I said. For the rest of dinner, she didn’t say another word to me or anyone else at the table. That was just how she was. If something upset or hurt her, she’d retreat into silence, disappearing into her own thoughts.

A part of me hated myself for leading her back down that path. Another part was satisfied, knowing I had done what I needed to do.

Dorothee was the first to leave the table after she had finished. While I had planned to do the same, I remained seated, staring into space. If I went to bed early, I’d only end up dreaming again.

“You could tell her the truth,” Mai said from across the table, her head resting on Nathaniel’s shoulder.

She had dark circles under her eyes and looked like she hadn’t slept in days. I thought about what Nathaniel had said about the sight torturing her every night.

“Tell her the truth? So she fears every step I take?” I asked, my own weariness audible in my voice. “No. I can’t do that. She’d crumble under the weight of the truth. I gave her the hope of changing her fate—ourdestiny.” I listened to her when she told me how much she feared death. If I told her about the prophecy, she’d lose whatever hope is still left in her heart. “And if I speak of it as if it might be true, I fear I’ll start believing it myself. I’ll paint myself as the villain, because fate wanted me to be.”

No. I couldn’t tell her the truth. Not yet.

I’d rather take a knife to the heart and keep my distance from the girl I wasn’t allowed to long for.

We’d figure this out.

I am not a killer. Neither was James.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

DOROTHEE

Sometimes I wishedI could just pretend I didn’t care. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what I’d done to upset Archer, that he’d suddenly changed his mood towards me. He had listened to what was on my mind, and I really enjoyed talking to him when he wasn’t so cold-hearted. Maybe I’d imagined it, but I thought we’d made some kind of resolution.

It saddened me a little, and I felt like a deluded girl, running circles around a guy who didn’t care, in the hopes of getting to know him. To find out why he didn’t like me and why he acted like a total and complete arsehole every chance he got.

Perhaps I’d always been a stupid pathological people pleaser, trying to figure out how others worked so I could mirror them and fit in the way they wanted. But I was done. I was so done and tired.

Tired of wanting to fit in, to be liked or at least tolerated. My mother might have raised me that way. Every time we went to one of her meetings or visited her friends, she tried to make me change my skin because being myself just wasn’t enough.

I wanted to be better.

I wanted to be loved and respected.

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