Page 87 of Pumped

Owen flinches at my question, his expression looking gutted.

Ivy makes a soft, pathetic sound and squirms uncomfortably in Owen’s lap. She definitely remembers. And I’d bet a month’s worth of protein shakes that she said it to hit Owen where it would hurt him the most.

“Do you know how that made us feel? How it made Uncle Owen feel?”

She squirms some more, pressing her face into Owen’s chest so she doesn’t have to look at me.

“It wasn’t a very nice thing to say, Ives. You know how words can hurt us, right? Well, what you said really hurt Uncle Owen. It hurt me too.”

She whines, clutching at Owen’s shirt, and it makes me feel like I’m the bad guy even when I know I’m not.

Owen’s lips are pressed into a firm line, his brows are furrowed, and he’s staring at a spot on the floor. Like he’s trying to beat back his emotions and keep himself in check.

I rub my hand over the short hairs at the back of his head, then lean in to plant a quick kiss on his temple. His eyes shut and he breathes in a deep, shaky breath.

A part of me wants to pretend that this whole thing didn’t happen. Just crack a joke to cut through the tension, then go on with life as if everything was fine. But everything is not fine with Ivy. It hasn’t been for weeks now, and ignoring it won’t make the problem go away.

Being an adult sucks balls.

“We know something’s been bothering you recently, Ivy-poo. You wanna tell us about it?”

She whines again and shakes her head. Owen shoots me a worried look.

“You can tell us, Ivy. Whatever it is, we’re not going to be upset. We just want to help, but we can’t help if we don’t know what’s wrong.”

Her whine shoots up a couple octaves before she bursts into tears. And not like, little tears either. Huge, body-shaking sobs that seem to come from a place much too deep for someone so young and so small.

Owen and I exchange looks of alarm. Why is she crying like this? What the hell happened?

With Owen’s handkerchief, I try to keep up with Ivy’s tears, but the cloth is soon soaked all the way through. Owen rubs her back while he murmurs soothingly to her.

Eventually, she breaks. “I’m sorry!” she wails. “I’m sorry! Please don’t leave! I’ll be good, I promise! I’ll do whatever you say. Just please don’t leave me behind.”

My gaze snaps up to Owen and he looks just as horrified as I feel. What the fuck does she mean? Does she think we’re going to leave her?

“Ivy, sweetie, what are you talking about? We’re not going anywhere. Why would we leave you?” Owen’s voice is thick with emotion. With shock, but also pain at the idea that she thinks we would ever do something like that.

“But I’ve been bad…” she says through wracking sobs that make it hard to make out her words. “I yelled at you.”

I didn’t think my heart could break any more than it already has today. But I have zero defenses when it comes to Ivy. Everything she says hits where I’m the most vulnerable. Everything she does affects me to my very core.

“You can yell at us. You can be bad or misbehave. But we’re never going to leave you. No matter what you do. We love you,” I explain.

“We might get upset or angry,” Owen adds. “But that doesn’t mean we love you any less.”

“We love youso much. We always will. We’ll always be here.” My voice cracks as I fight back a sob of my own. How did this happen? Did we not say it to her enough? Did we do something to make her think that we would abandon her?

Is this why she’s been acting so hostile lately? She thinks we’re going to leave her, and she’s, what, testing us? Pushing us away?

“But— but— Mommy and Daddy left without me. And now you’re boyfriends, so maybe you’ll leave without me too.”

The admission leaves both me and Owen stunned. Pain lances through me, fueling the grief and fear, until I’m shaking, trembling, and unstable.

It all comes back to that day, doesn’t it? Every part of our lives. Every good thing and every bad thing. All our hopes and dreams. All our deepest worries and fears. It all comes back tothe day that Eden and Jeremy were taken from us. The day that our lives changed forever.

Will it ever get easier? Will the shadow of that day ever become lighter? Will we ever be free of it?

“Ivy, listen to me,” Owen speaks softly into the little space we’ve created around her. “Your mommy and daddy didn’t leave you. They loved you and would never choose to leave. They were taken. From you. From all of us. There’s a difference. We would never leave either. We love you just as much as your mommy and daddy did. We want to be together with you. We’re a family. Do you understand?”

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