Page 108 of Colt

I could hear the sound of my best friend gritting her teeth on the other end of the line. “So why are you still there?”

“We need to talk,” I relayed, biting my lip. “I need to put him on the spot and demand a few answers.”

“Ya think?” she snapped. “Look. I get you’ve caught feels. I get it’s taken years for him to make a move, but what the actual fuck, Freya? Why are you letting him screw you around?”

My friend’s words started to sink in until the clouds in my head suddenly parted, allowing my common sense to shine through.

Abi was right. I’d turned into one of those women I swore I wouldn’t be. A year ago, I was kicking ass and taking names, Now, I was holed up, dressed in sexy lingerie all for a man who couldn’t be bothered to appreciate it.

I thought back to all our conversation, at how he’s kept me dangling on a string and in a way, playing with my emotions. I’d been so desperate to get him, that when I finally did, I’d stopped speaking out because I wanted to keep the peace, and deep down I was scared of losing him.

The problem was, by allowing him to walk all over me, I’d lost myself.

It started in Denver when he spoke to me like shit and acted like a prick. I made allowances for him because I knew he was ravaged by guilt. I wanted to support him, but by trying to help, I’d somehow turned a blind eye to his assholery. Even Sophie had noticed the change in me, she told me earlier I wasn’t myself and I knew she was right because I hadn’t felt myself since Colt declared I was his.

I’d gotten him but I was scared of it all going wrong that I’d made excuses for his behavior, and I wasn’t acting like myself. God, no wonder I’d been feeling so unsettled.

It was Colt’s job to reassure me and make me feel safe, but he hadn’t even tried.

“I can hear you thinking, babe,” Abigail murmured. “Are you seeing the light?”

“Yeah, Abs,” I responded quietly, mind still racing. “And it’s bright as fuck.”

“There’s my girl,” she whispered. “What you gonna do now?”

My jaw set tightly as I pulled the blinds slightly to one side to see the weather had worsened. Rain bounced off the sidewalk, hard and heavy. “I’m staying here,” I decided. “I’ll give him tonight. If he turns up and has an explanation, I’ll give him a chance to talk it out with me. If he stands me up, I’ll turn biker chick on him.”

“Why don’t you come down for a few days and stay with me?” she asked. “It wouldn’t hurt to get some space.”

My heart ached at the thought of leaving him, but Abi was right. I was in too deep. Getting away for a few days would help me see things clearer.

“I’ll see what tonight brings and take it from there,” I said quietly. “Thank you, Abi. I fucking love you.”

She let out a snort. “Love you too. Give him hell.” The line clicked and went dead.

I glanced at the display on my cell, hoping so fucking much that I was wrong and Colt had sent me a message while I’d been talking.

Nothing.

Grabbing the remote control, I switched on the TV, anything to fill the deafening silence in the room.

A part of me held out hope that Colt would knock on the door, soaked through, saying the weather held him up, or he’d been delayed at the club, but deep down I knew he wouldn’t show. It was what my feeling of impending doom had been about.

I stood, went to my bag, and grabbed a tee, slipping it over my head before grabbing my toothbrush and heading into the bathroom, all the while feeling the weight of my sinking heart.

My throat burned with unshed tears, but I didn’t want to break down. I wanted to be strong because on so many occasions recently, I’d been his doormat.

It was time to face facts.

What hurt me the most was that I would’ve given up everything for him. My family, my life in Hambleton and even my career if it was what kept us apart, all because I thought what we had was worth it.

I was a fool, because when the chips were down, Colt wouldn’t even give up one night for me.

When I’d finished brushing my teeth, I wandered back into the main room and slid under the comforter, laying down on my side to watch the TV. Except I didn’t take in a word, I stared blankly at the screen still deep in thought.

Why wasn’t I worth making an effort for? Our relationship was already on thin ice, and the icing on the shitty-assed cake was that Colt was pulling away from me.

For hours, I lay there thinking and working things out in my head and as dawn eventually broke, reality stared me in the face.

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