Page 154 of Colt

A big, brown elk raced past us with Sunshine riding low on its back, clinging onto its huge, fanned antlers for dear life.

“Hornnnyyy! Stooooopppppp!” she shrieked as it galloped toward the parking lot.

“Dad!” Kai yelled. “Save Sunny! She wanted to ride on Horny, but he bolted.”

Bowie scraped a hand down his face. “Jesus, fuck!” he bellowed. “What on God’s goddamned green Earth is Sunny doin’ ridin’ a fuckin’ elk?”

“It’s her horsey,” Kady shrieked, wringing her hands. “Horny’s her pet horsey.”

Atlas roared with laughter. “She kidnapped a fuckin’ elk?” He bent over, hands to knees, busting a gut. “Jesus Christ.” He hooted another laugh. “A—A—And fuckin’ Horny!” He fell to the ground on his ass from laughing so hard.

Prez appeared at my back. “Don’t just fuckin’ stand there. Somebody go save Sunshine.”

Breaker grabbed Atlas’s gun and went to aim.

“Noooo, Daddy!” Kady screamed. “Don’t shoot Horny. He’s our pet!”

“Well how else am I meant to stop him?” Break yelled.

“I’ll go get some rope,” Cash suggested. “I’ll lasso the motherfucker.”

“This ain’t the wild west,” Dagger bellowed.

“Fuckin’ is,” Cash retorted. “I can rope those antlers no problem.”

Sunny let out another piercing scream as the elk changed direction again and sprinted toward the back of the yard. Luckily, we’d mended the fence leading to the woods so it couldn’t escape with her on its back.

Dagger jammed his hands to his waist and looked to the heavens. “Get somethin’ to make a lasso with,” he yelled. “And be quick.”

“Here ya go, boss,” Billy said, appearing with a length of thick rope. “This’ll do the job.”

Cash grabbed it, immediately making a noose, and tied it.

“Oh my God!” Layla shrieked as she slowly made her way out of the kitchen, rubbing her pregnant belly. “Save her, Bowie.” She peered closer. “Wait. Is that an elk?” Her eyes widened and she screeched, “What’s Sunny doing riding an elk?”

“I—It’s her h—horsey,” Atlas stuttered through his belly laugh. “She c—called him Horny.”

Layla covered her face with her hands. “Oh my God.”

“It’s okay,” Cash shouted. “I’m gonna rope the motherfucker. I’ll save her.”

“Hurry up, Uncle Cash,” Kai called out. “Look, she’s scared.”

I peered over to see Sunny’s face all scrunched up and wet with tears, screaming as the elk ran past us again. “Mommyyyyyy! Heeelp!”

“Hold on, Sunny!” Layla shouted. “Cash is going to save you.”

The VP ran toward the elk, circling the lasso above his head like a biker version of John Wayne. He threw the loop toward the elk who sidestepped it and ran the opposite way.

Tears streamed down Atlas’s face.

“You were nowhere fuckin’ near ropin’ it,” Prez muttered. “Try again.”

“Oh my God, Cash,” Cara snapped as she barreled out of the kitchen. “Just throw the fucking rope. Stop pussy-assing around.”

Atlas, still on the ground, held his crotch in his hands. “Gonna piss my breeches,” he barked through his laughter. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ.”

Abe’s lips twitched so hard it looked like he was having a seizure. “She doesn’t fail to amuse us every Christmas, does she?”

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