Page 187 of Colt

“You’re as savage as him, Colter,” Mom murmured as the elevator doors slid open and we swept through the ground floor reception area. “Though I must say, I’m grateful for that savagery today.”

I caught Mom’s gaze and gave her a knowing look. “I may not be my father’s son emotionally, Mom, but I still watched and learned from him. I knew one day I’d have to play him at his own game. It’s been a long time coming, and when it comes to getting what I want, I learned from the best.”

The rest of the week passed by quicker than expected.

We got to know each other as a family again. Mom slowly gained more confidence, and my sisters smiled bigger and more often. We stayed on the lake, which even in the winter months was a beautiful place. We walked around there every day just catching up.

On Sunday morning, we sat in a little café which overlooked the lake, talking.

It was there I told them about Freya and how much I loved and missed her. I’d left Wyoming thinking it was wholly for them, but really, I’d also needed time to heal from losing the only family I’d known for the last twelve years, because honestly, it had gutted me.

“You were so beat-up when you arrived,” Cordelia murmured, placing a hand on my arm. “You looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“I guess I did,” I admitted, my stare taking in the still waters of the vast lake, blue from the reflection of the clear winter sky. “The reaction shocked me. John had been a father figure for a long time. Showed me nothin’ but love and appreciation.” I grinned. “I met him in a bar fight when I first left the military. He was the underdog, three against one, so I jumped in, and we fought side by side.”

“Colter,” Mom chided. “You weren’t raised to participate in bar fights.”

Gracie giggled.

Cordy’s lips twitched.

“Sorry, Mom,” I said thickly. “It was weird, that night when we spoke, I felt I’d met him before. Then he took me back to his club’s compound and I was accepted, just like that.” I clicked my fingers. “Over the years I thought of ‘em as my family, and then Freya grew up and I buried my feelin’s for her, because I didn’t wanna disappoint John.”

“What made you change your mind?” Cordelia asked, rubbing my arm.

“I guess my feelings for her became stronger than my loyalty to him.” My eyes slid to Mom. “Maybe I’m more like my father than I always thought.”

Mom tipped her chin, looking up into my eyes and murmured one word. “No.” Her hand reached for mine across the table and she squeezed my fingers gently. “You’re nothing like him. You did it for love, Colt, something your dad wouldn’t be able comprehend, because he’s never loved anyone except himself.” Her head cocked sideways, blue eyes never leaving mine. “You didn’t betray John, Colt. You didn’t go out and collude with the enemy. You didn’t go to the police and tell them his secrets. You worked hard for that club, you kept them safe and secure.”

The knot that had been strangling my chest since the morning of the fight suddenly loosened.

Mom had a valid point. I’d always done my utmost for the club, sometimes to the detriment of myself. For years, I’d ached for a woman who I pushed away for them, only giving in when I knew I’d have to leave.

Maybe if the FBI hadn’t pulled their puppet strings, me and Freya would never have happened, I’d been so intent on doing the right thing.

The thought made my blood run cold. Suddenly the FBI recruiting me seemed like the best thing in the world, because it brought me her.

And then I’d pushed her away.

I brought up a hand to rub my throbbing temple. “I’ve been a dick to her.”

Cordelia and Gracie exchanged a knowing look.

“Son,” Mom said gently. “Your only experience with love was with a woman who cheated on you with your father. Is it any wonder you self-sabotage?”

I sat straighter. “I don’t self-sabotage,” I denied, looking affronted.

“You get to a certain point in a relationship and back away,” Cordy agreed.

“But I never have girlfriends,” I argued.

Gracie leaned closer to me. “Because you’re scared to commit.”

“I committed to Freya,” I muttered.

“And you’ve got to a certain point in your relationship and backed away,” Mom repeated.

Her words weaved through my head, and I winced.

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