Page 49 of On The Rocks

How could this be? Fours and elevens were at opposite ends of the marriage spectrum. Any attraction between us was unnatural. Plus, there were other factors to consider.

“But you were with my stepsister,” I pointed out. “That’s icky.”

“Well, she’s not actually your stepsister by blood or anything, and I wasn’t strictly ‘with’ her in that way. Knowing what I know now about Shannon Doyle, I also get the ick thing. I can’t believe I ever looked twice at her, though in my defense, I was fucking lit that night. I can’t even remember—” He scraped a frustrated hand down his face. “She’s been trying to repeat history ever since, but I’ve never gone back. It was never about her, Maeve; she means nothing to me. As much as I’m probably not doing myself any favors here, she could’ve been anyone.”

I took a sip of coffee, taking the time to contemplate his words.

The thought of them together sickened me, but he hadn’t technically done anything wrong. I hated the fact Shannon had this over me, but Callum and I weren’t a thing then. We’d hardly even spoken to each other. Strictly speaking, I had no right to be mad at him over it, either. Though I did have a right to be pissed that he kept it quiet.

“Honesty’s a big thing with me,” I told him. “All my life, I’ve been pushed to the side and purposely kept in the dark about things. To be forearmed is to be forewarned.”

“I get that,” he agreed. “It won’t happen again.”

“Is there anything else you need to tell me?” I asked. “Any more secrets? If so, do it now so we can discuss and move on.”

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. “I’m good,” he muttered after a brief pause.

I cocked my head. “Are you sure?”

His jaw clenched. “You may come across the odd girl from the bar or town who I’ve been with in the past.”

Lifting my mug to my mouth, I took a sip, murmuring, “Of course you have,” over the rim.

He shrugged. “I never said I was a virgin when we met.”

“And what about now?” I asked. “You mentioned before that we should see other people.”

His eyes locked with mine. “Is that what you want? Carbine seemed pretty interested in you.”

“I never asked for it in the first place,” I reminded him. “But we’re not exactly compatible.”

“How do you know?” he asked. “We need to get familiar with each other before we can decide how compatible we are. We’re strangers in lots of ways, Mae, and maybe we’ve been naïve going onto this as fast as we have, but we can’t make that call yet. I propose we start as friends and see what happens.”

Truth be told, I didn’t know what I wanted.

The only thing I was sure of was that I needed to tread very carefully. Callum and I would inevitably break up. My husband may have had some crazy idea that he’d give me the same attention he’d give a nine out of ten, but he wouldn’t.

I was a novelty, one that wouldn’t last. While Callum O’Shea was experimenting with the idea of building a life with a four, I’d be in danger of losing my heart.

“Where I come from, your family is notorious,” I declared.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin, swallowing his lemon bar. “Huh?”

“The O’Sheas are the ones everybody loves and respects but who remain elusive. Your da wanted nothing to do with the organization or the power it could bring, preferring to go it alone. I overheard Patrick saying once how the O’Sheas are the most frustrating men he’s ever known, but he has mad respect for you. Word gets around, and others take notice. You boys turned up at Paddy’s house for the summers, looking the way you looked with your muscles and prowess and easy grins, and all the girls suddenly started thinking about how life could be simpler in Wyoming instead of shopping in Nordstrom every day with their husband’s ill-gotten gains. You and your brothers, at some point, have had recruitment offers, good ones, ones that weaker men would kill each other for, and you’ve always turned your back on them. That in itself is a feat, considering Patrick always gets his own way. You’ve never been known as Callum to me; you’ve always been Callum O’Shea because that’s what gets whispered when you’re spoken about. A part of me is very proud to wear your ring, Callum O’Shea, but another part of me is terrified because it was never meant for a girl like me. That’s what I struggle with.”

The tip of his fingers touched mine. “I don’t like it when you talk about yourself like that.”

My forehead pulled together. “I know I’m a great person. This isn’t about me putting myself down, but I don’t know if I’m right for you.”

“Because all I care about is looks,” he challenged. “And girls like Shannon Doyle.”

I nodded. “One day, I worry you’ll resent everything I’m not instead of appreciating everything I am.”

He leaned forward. “I already appreciate a lot about you. Can’t say I know you well enough to understand what that means yet, but I’m looking forward to finding out. I just need to know if that’s something you want, Mae. If you don’t think I’m worth your time, tell me now, and we’ll start working out how we extricate ourselves. Then, after we’ve given it an appropriate amount of time, we split and go back to our lives as they were. Personally, I’d rather we didn’t make any big decisions yet. I think we need time to settle into things. The bar’s gonna take a lotta my energy up, and honestly, I need your help. You proved yourself invaluable with Carbine and getting his band to play. Can’t help thinking you’ll be an asset in helping me pay off Da’s debt.”

I’d heard talk that Lorcan had left Callum and the bar in a bad spot. I didn’t know the details, but Donovan admitted during our phone call the night before that Callum had one year to raise a lot of cash.

Maybe Callum was right; perhaps it was the challenge I needed, something to get my teeth into. If I’d been put on this earth for one thing, it was for research and problem-solving. Helping get the business back into the black would give me a newfound sense of purpose. I already loved Hambleton and liked the people I’d met. It was already more of a home to me than NYC ever was. It wouldn’t be a hardship.

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