Page 14 of Beginnings

Chapter 4

Ember

The full moonbathed Rawson’s back garden in soft silvery light. Frost sparkled like a dusting of glitter over the hard ground making the shadows, which lurked by the large bushes and trees, seem malevolent. I shivered and rubbed my arms. Even in my thick toweling robe I was cold. My wolf tried to reassure me that I would be fine, that we would both be fine. I know. I just wish he was here...

“You okay, sweetness?” Lyss walked up behind me, her footsteps as light and delicate as she was.

I turned to face her. In this brilliant shaft of moonlight she looked stunningly beautiful, almost ethereal. She gave a small smile and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry Rawson’s not here,” she said a frown creasing her brow, and then she added quietly, “or Connor.”

I blinked and tried to return her smile even though my chest ached. It was a poor effort. My wolf was clamouring for release to run in this full moon and I couldn’t hold her back. We both needed the release, and I craved for her to take over for a while, if only so I could lose myself to my feral side and detach my heart from the devastation of losing Connor. “Lyss, you don’t have to apologise for Rawson.” I just couldn’t acknowledge Connor’s name. My heart broke every time I thought of him. “I can manage this alone.” I reassured her. After all, managing alone was how I always ended up. If Rawson or Connor had been here, they would have shifted and run with me. A wolf should never be alone in their Primis. If they couldn’t control their wolf and it took charge, they needed an alpha, or their mate to force a shift back to human form.

Lyss nodded, but she bit her bottom lip.

Worrying wasn’t an option I gave myself, even though I’d changed before, the last time had been when I was seven years old. A year after escaping the burning house my parents had died in, a man had attacked me in an ally. Surviving the attack was only possible because of my wolf. She had burst from my skin, helping me fight and bite my way out of death’s clutches before Fire could react.

No one knew I’d completed my Primis so young. Even I had no idea how I’d done it.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach. This was going to hurt. My bones would break and reshape; every cell in my body would change. And whereas this would normally be done in a small pack with the support of an alpha and others, I would wander this beautiful night alone. I shoved my fear down deep. I had done this before, I could do it again.

I reached out and touched Lyss’s hand. “It’s alright. I’ll be fine alone, Lyss. You go back inside where it’s warm. I’ll see you at dawn.” I tried to sound reassuring but I was scared as hell; not of my wolf, I was well acquainted with my animal spirit, but I wanted to do this alone in case either of us regressed to that time in the alley and I went into survival or attack mode. My self-control since Connor left me on the drive way and never returned was stretched to breaking point.

My wolf whined.

I know you wouldn’t hurt her, not on purpose. But I’d rather not chance it right now.

Lyss nodded and pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back, then gently pushed her away. My skin was getting itchy, and my heart was pounding in my ears as I answered the call of the moon. “Go. I’ll be fine.”

Lyss bit her bottom lip. “Are you sure? I really don’t want you to go through this alone.” Her eyes shone with tears. She lifted her hands and slapped them down on her thighs. “Ah, Rawson’s being such a prick! He should be here with you. I’m going to kick his alpha arse when I see him again!” She crossed her arms tightly over her chest.

“Hey, it’s not his fault. He’s not handling Connor’s disappearance well. Hell, neither am I, but….” I shrugged and raised my chin. “I’m a big girl, and I don’t need a man or an alpha to help me do this. I can do it alone.”

“I know you can, sweetness, but the point is, you shouldn’t have to. Everyone needs support at some point in their life.”

“It would be nice, but you’re wrong, I don’t need it. Like I said, I’m fine. Besides you’ll be here when I return.”

She gave me a watery smile.

It took me everything to return it, though I couldn’t be angry with Rawson. Since Connor had disappeared, he’d become obsessed with finding out what happened. Rawson’s slide into neglecting Lyss was sad to see. Lyss didn’t complain outwardly, not for herself anyway, but she didn’t laugh like she used to either, and she had lost some of her charismatic zest for life.

“I will.” Lyss nodded, gave my forehead a swift kiss and walked back through the gate which led into the garden. She closed it and locked it. “I’ll be here at dawn with food and a nice hot cup of tea!” she shouted.

“Thanks,” I murmured and turned away. I had to do this alone. The only person I wanted with me was nowhere to be found. I’d not seen Connor again after our kiss. At first, I thought he was just avoiding me, but then we got the news that he’d disappeared from the SBI radar, too. I rubbed the familiar tightness from my chest and took a deep breath. Something about his disappearance stank. Rawson knew it and so did I. The difference was, he could do something to find Connor. Me? Not so much. I ground my teeth together, facing the dark country lane and the fields. Shadows closed in around me. I didn’t mind. They always protected me from prying eyes and hid me from evil; now they would protect my wolf.

My wolf sent a pulse of reassurance, pushing to get through my body.

Fine. I’m coming! It’salright for you to say it won’t be as bad this time. Even if it hurts half as much, it’ll not be pleasant.

Another pulse. I swallowed. There were plenty of fields at the back of Rawson’s home. His garden bordered the dark country lane, and on the far side were miles of countryside which led to the outskirts of London.

I shed my robe and slippers, letting the silvery moonlight bathe my naked body. Its power and influence shot through me, and energy filled my body. Howling filled my mind just as pain erupted through my limbs. Blood roared through my ears, my pulse racing while my bones simultaneously cracked and reshaped. I screamed as my internal organs restructured and hair pushed through my skin. Within seconds, the pain passed, and I lurched forward onto all four of my legs.

My wolf howled at being allowed to break free of my human body. Observing from inside her, I gave her control and sat back, determined to enjoy the ride. Seeing the world in a vivid expanse of sights, sounds and smells was extraordinary. With a grunt of joy, my wolf bounded across the road and into the fields beyond.

* * *

I wrappedmy damp robe around me, my frozen fingers slipping as I tried to tie the belt, and missed for the third time.

Lyss gently pushed my hand away. “Let me help.”

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