Page 16 of Beginnings

Her face crumpled and she pounded his solid chest with a fist. He held her and leaned his forehead against hers, whispering more words. Lyss stared at him then grabbed the back of his head and yanked him down. Their mouths met in a passionate kiss that left me both hot all over and even more hollow. I was the worst kind of voyeur, watching them, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Their passion was mesmerizing. Rawson pulled back and rested his forehead against hers again. They spoke a few more words before he kissed her—tenderly this time—and thoroughly.

I swallowed my tears hoping this meant they could work on their issues. Then I sighed, a few hot kisses, even some steamy make up sex couldn’t always fix a relationship. I turned away, closed the door, flung open a cupboard and pulled out a loaf of bread. My stomach growled as I dropped a couple of slices in the toaster.

The door swung open and Rawson barged in. Both him and Lyss remained silent as he led her upstairs to the third floor of the house and into their own space. I breathed through the heavy sense of power Rawson left behind, not to mention the sultry scent of their lust. I hung my head trying to ignore my aching loneliness. The house was silent other than the click of the timer on the toaster. I cocked my head. There was no noise of sex, make up or otherwise, or even yelling from upstairs. Maybe they were talking; gods knew they needed to.

The toast pinged up, making me jump. I dropped it onto a plate and carefully buttered it. Taking a seat on a bar stool l attempted to eat, but Connor’s face wouldn’t leave my mind, the sensation of his lips on mine was as raw as if it had only been yesterday that he’d kissed me. I pushed my plate across the granite breakfast bar and stared out of the window into the garden. My wolf curled up tighter into the small ball of energy that was her heartbroken soul.

Trying the toast again, just to get rid of the nausea in my gut, didn’t help a bit. Even the cup of coffee I’d made did nothing to make the toast slide down my gullet. Both were now cold, the toast like chewing rubber. I gave up and dropped it down onto my plate, wrinkling my nose. With a grunt, I pushed my stool back and threw my wasted food in the bin.

Brewing more coffee only took a moment. I grabbed my earbuds and phone and headed to my room, exhaustion weighing my limbs down. I had forgotten how hard shifting was. Outside my window, the countryside melted into the distant London skyline as a low early morning mist swathed the fields like a blanket.

The coffee burned my throat, but warmed me inside. I closed my eyes and listened to the steady beat of music from my earbuds, really needing to lift myself out of this funk. Connor wasn’t going to suddenly return; I knew that. I’d stayed in the training programme and attended the SBI because it had seemed a good way to stay close to Connor—or at least something that had meant a lot to him—but conforming to all of its rules and regulations wasn’t my thing. I hated not being able to smash queen bitch’s face in every time a derogatory remark fell from her poisonous mouth, or tell one of my instructors to go fuck themselves when they put me down for not trying hard enough in their eyes. I wanted—no, I needed—more from my life. I needed the freedom to be me, to make my own choices and find my strengths, not just be told about my weaknesses.

Perhaps it was time to pay a visit to Somnelaire. The Bogwart fae was my main source of income, and my planned escape route, he had been since I’d moved in here. No one else knew about my connection to him and that was the way it would stay. He was a remnant from my time on the streets. A disgusting lowlife from the land of Faerie who had always taken advantage of my need for money, but who had also looked out for me for reasons I couldn’t fathom. Once Rawson had taken me in, I had stayed in touch with the faerie. After all, life was an unpredictable bitch, so it paid to be prepared. Somnelaire gave me low level delivery jobs anytime I asked, and always paid me; not much, but it was still money, and I had saved all my money from those jobs for years, just in case...

There was a bang from upstairs and a loud grunt. I smiled, glad I had my music on. Turning it up to drown them out, I hoped whatever was going on up there was make up and not break up sex. When I’d finished my coffee, I shed my robe, put my earbuds away and headed into the shower to scrub the dirt from my skin and blood from my nails. I winced at the sting, but they were already healing, thanks to my wolf and my shifter abilities.

Dressed in a comforting pair of soft pajamas, I put my earbuds back in, snuggled under my covers and closed my eyes. For Lyss and Rawson I’d stay, but if Rawson wouldn’t include me in whatever he was up to, then I’d find out what had happened to Connor by myself. I’d even stay at the SBI if it meant I could use their technology and equipment in my search. I just wasn’t ready to admit defeat and accept him as dead. Not yet.

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