Page 102 of Tough Love

I fall into the loving arms that wait for me as sirens wail around us and the filthy air of New York City reacquaints itself with my senses. Ruby hugs me tight. It takes everything I have to not fall apart on the sidewalk of her street.

“Come on, let’s take you inside.” She wraps an arm around my shoulders. “I have ice cream, chocolate, and reruns of Friends...”

“I wanna crash. Ain’t got an ounce of energy for nothin’ else.”

“Listen to you, Montana small-town speak just falling out of your mouth.” She laughs and squeezes my shoulders. But I have to swallow past the stone that grows in my airway. God, even my own words stab me in the heart. Everything is a reminder of Hudson. We cross the threshold to her apartment. It’s modern, clean, and organized within an inch of its square footage.

“Tomorrow night, you and me are going out for dinner. After that, we have a full calendar. You know what they say about getting back on the hors—” She drops her arm. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Adds.”

“It’s okay,” I utter, wrapping my arms around myself as tears spill over, running down my cheeks. She is folded around me a second later. All these people hugging me, I swear, it makes everything so much harder.

Let me be heartbroken in solitude, please.

“I think I’m going to turn in.” I make sure the words are whole, even if my heart feels like it never will be again. Ruby leans in and grabs my shoulders. “Let me know if you need chocolate. That’s what I’m here for, hey.”

I nod and wander toward the spare room that I’ve crashed in more times than I can count. I guess now it’s my short-term room until I find another place for however long I am working at the equine clinic. The second the door is shut behind me, I flop onto the bed. But I roll over and stare at the ceiling. Nothing matters anymore. My phone pings.

Louisa.

My heart cracks.

And I have to grit my teeth as I slide to open her message.

Just checking you got back to the big apple okay, darlin.

The last of my resolve dissolves and I chug out a sob while I text back.

I’m at Ruby’s. Thank you for everything. Addy xx

It was my pleasure, hon. Take care.

You too. xx

I send Mom a text letting her know I’m back and can visit on the weekend. She sends back a smiley face emoji; she must be at work. Crawling under the blankets, exhausted, I curl up and pull my knees to my chest.

And when my eyes fall shut, I imagine being amongst the snow-laden trees, riding Sergeant, Hudson beside me on Rocket. Sobs come hard and fast. For the life I never knew I always wanted. Until sleep finally drags me under. But my dreams are full of those blue eyes and snippets of a life that will never be.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

HUDSON

Ma stares at me over her coffee. Her face is tight, her usual smile nowhere to be found. I wait for Pa, Mack, and Reed to file into the kitchen after feeding out hay. I’m the only one who is on the receiving end of Ma’s scowl, if the smile she beams at Mack is any indication.

“Right, now we’re all here, we should talk ranch and business before we’re busy with the rest of the chores.” Harry pulls out the chair at the head of the table and drops into it, palms coming to rest on the shining hardwood.

Ma glances between him and Reed, to Mack, and then me. I run a hand through my hair, stirring the sugar in my coffee, if only to avoid her glare again. I know what it’s about. But she is way off the mark. This is how it was supposed to be. Even the old man thinks so. Why else would he have told me to stay away from Addy?

“Come on, Harry, I have chores to do,” Reed pipes up.

Harry continues. “Right. Hudson. The final numbers are in for the roundup and the contracts that have already come in from the sale of the first six foals. We have enough equity finally to buy out Justin, so that was sent over yesterday. And we are booked in to do a walk-in inspection for two other ranches nextweek. Without your hard work this year, Hudson, none of these things would have been possible. So, on that note...” He glances to Ma, and she suppresses a small smile, holding his gaze. “This ranch is officially yours. I will have the documents drawn up this week when we’re in town. And the company, which now consists of three businesses and six half shares, will be divided and managed between all four of you boys. Lawson, we have already talked to last night.”

I don’t know what to say.

Ma looks to me. “We were hoping you didn’t have to do this by yourself. But?—”

I hold up a hand, knowing exactly where she is going with this. She rests her coffee on the coaster in front of her.

“Thank you both. I will continue to earn what I have been given. But Addy’s life is not mine to influence. I won’t have her give up her life as an equine vet so I can be happy. Unlike all of you, I’m not that fucking selfish.” I push out of the chair but as I walk away, Harry gives Ma a look.

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