Page 103 of Tough Love

“Well, I for one am glad to be moving out,” Reed says. He is trying to lighten the mood. It falls on sullen hearts. Nobody responds. I push through the back door and stalk to the table under the weeping willow.

I didn’t mean to be disrespectful after all my parents have done for the four of us. But this team effort thing is grinding my fucking gears. Laying down on the bench seat closest to the tree, I shove my hands over my face, blocking out the dappled sunlight.

Ma sits by my feet a moment later. “Loving someone this much could never be selfish, Huddy.”

Charlie appears by my head and jumps up onto my belly. God, he’s a heavy little mutt. I sit up and he curls up in my lap the way Addy let him every time. So much for a working ranchdog. My sweet girl has spoiled this little man. The air lodges in my lungs and won’t budge.

Not my girl.

Not anymore. I grind my jaw shut.

“Oh, my boy.” Ma slides closer to me on the bench.

“Think I’m a bit old for that, Ma.” I rub a hand over the stubble on my jaw.

“Your children never outgrow what they are to you.”

I grunt. Words hurt. Everything hurts.

I usher Charlie from my lap and walk for my truck. “Later, Ma.”

“Hudson, I wasn’t finished.”

When I wave a hand, she mutters something under her breath.

At home, I sit in the truck for a moment. The quiet is too loud. Charlie paws at the door and I lean over and open it, letting him out. I kill the engine and walk inside. The house is all but finished now, the kitchen in and functional. The fireplace crackles behind me. The rooms are mostly bare, but more furniture should arrive next week. How much stuff does one man and a spoiled dog need, anyway?

I wander down the hall. Something yellow and small catches my eye near the bedroom door. I pick it up. It crumbles between my fingers. One of the flowers I spread around for Addy the night of Ma’s party. My back hits the wall and I slide to the floor, gaze stuck on the dried yellow petal in my fingers. It falls to the ground between my legs, and I grip my hands in my hair until it burns. Sobs chug from my throat.

I pound my head into the wall behind me and scream, long and raw. Dropping my face into my hands, I choke on the ragged sobs that crawl from the too-heavy space in my lungs. Charlie appears by my side and sits, whimpering. When he lies, resting his head on his paws, worried little eyes watching me, I lose it.

“I’m sorry, buddy. She isn’t coming back.”

Charlie whimpers, closing his eyes.

She isn’t coming back.

And I realize in this moment, that there is no coming back from Adeline Howard. My heart is in pieces. I wouldn’t even know where to start to find every last one to put it back together.

Pain floods my chest and steals the last of my breath.

If you had told me a year ago that Hudson Rawlins would find the love of his life, as well as his heart that had been stowed away forever after the last woman, I would have said you’re a fucking idiot. But the only idiot here is me. This... This thing between Addy and me, should have gone either of two ways, as far as I can tell.

One, it should have never happened. Not keen on that idea, to be honest.

Two, it should have eclipsed everything else, for both of us. But I screwed that up...

And here we are.

Miserable and sitting in the hallway, with a sleeping dog in my lap, contemplating every single damn life choice I have ever made. When tires crunch to a stop outside, I don’t even bother getting up. Charlie doesn’t stir. Maybe they will do me a favor and fuck off. Or burn the house down around me. The feeling in my heart wouldn’t change, that much I know.

“Hudson Andrew Rawlins, front and center.”

Ma.

“Do as your mother asks, son.”

Pa.

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