Page 127 of Heart & Hope

“Sure, Rubes, whatever you need. I could drive you. We could talk.”

“No, Reed. I have to do this by myself. I’ll fly home. Take a week or two. Maybe a little longer.”

The tear in my heart grows with every beat it takes. If Ruby needs time, I’ll give it to her. I’d give her anything, no matter the cost.

“I’ll book your flight and pack your stuff, beautiful.” I stand and release her hands.

“Reed.” Tears stream down her cheeks.

“It’s okay, Rubes. You don’t owe me a thing. You take care of yourself this time.”

I wander into the hall and toward the exit. A hand rests on my shoulders, and I turn back, dazed. Harry stands with my boots and cap in his hands. “I’ll take you home, son.”

I don’t respond, simply following him through the doors and into the midday warmth. Ma waits by the truck. I slide into the front passenger’s seat, and she shuts the door and hops into the back. As we pull away from the Great Falls hospital, I replay Ruby’s words over and over in my head.

The hour and a half that it takes to drive to R & R Ranch flies past, me lost in my head and all. I spill from the truck and wander inside.

“Let me pack her things, sweetheart,” Ma says.

“No, I’ll do it.”

I pad upstairs and into the room that has been Ruby’s for months. Not that she slept in this bed even one night. Her clothes are neatly stored in the cupboard and dresser, and it doesn’t take me long to have the woman I would give up everything for packed up. The only item left is her Coach Love perfume. The one that had me addicted to her from the moment I met her.

Strawberries.

I can’t bring myself to pack it, so I don’t.

Ma clears her throat from the doorway. “So, you two really married?”

I still, hand holding the zipper halfway. “No.”

“Would that be such a bad idea?”

I turn to face her. “Ma,” I say incredulously.

She shrugs and waves her palms up. “You’re amazing together, just sayin’.”

“Ruby has plans.”

“So do you. Look at everything the two of you have created. I see the way you are with her, hon. That matters—it’s so important. It is what makes this life worth it.”

Maybe, but it’s irrelevant.

Sickening sensation winds through my core, spreading to my arms. The tingle in my hands starts, and I sink onto the bed.

Fuck.

I try to pull in air, but it’s too thin.

I strain to hear the sounds around me, but she’s not here. I hear nothing.

I grope to feel my surroundings, and don’t find her soft skin, her soft, velvet lips.

I can’t . . .

I can’t without Ruby.

I grapple to pull in a breath, and stars creep into my vision. My hands cramp up as my shoulders heave, my lungs screaming for air. Choking sobs tumble out.

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