Page 46 of Heart & Hope

“Mountains, please.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I squeeze Magnet forward, and he breaks into a lope. Ruby squeals and holds on to the pommel. I close my body around hers as we ride past the barns and toward the northern fields, heading for the mountains.

Thirty minutes and two hard-ons at being this close to the most beautiful girl I’ve ever had the privilege to know later, we make it to the base of the mountains.

“Oh, wow. They are much more intimidating up close.” Ruby tilts her face up.

“Mother Nature’s finest. Want to go up?”

“Maybe a little way? I don’t want Magnet to be exhausted.”

“He’s tough.”

We walk up the incline until we make it halfway up to a plateau. I rein in the gelding to a halt and swing down. Ruby kicks her feet from the stirrups and holds her arms out. She must have seen Addy do the same. I smile up at her, and she swings her right leg over the pommel. I catch her as she slides from the saddle.

Holding her up against my chest, she’s the only thing I can focus on. Heart hammering like thunder, I let her down to the ground. But she doesn’t let go of my arms. And I don’t want to let go, either.

Sweet Jesus, Reed.

My gut ties into knots as I force air in and out of my lungs.

“Thanks,” she rasps, pulling away with a ragged inhale, and walks away.

All I can do is watch her as she takes in the mountains and fields that will be my home for the rest of my life. And I’m grateful for what my parents have given me; I am. But it wasn’t my choice. My decision.

And that smarts.

And I all of a sudden have an acute understanding of what it’s like to be a caged animal. I come to stand at Ruby’s side. She studies everything in sight from our high vantage point. “This place is going to be wonderful, Reed.”

I shove my hands in my back pockets as the wind plays with my shirt, and stare down at the ranch that Harry gave me.

When I don’t respond, she turns back. “You don’t think so?”

“I don’t know, Rubes.”

“Which part?”

“All of it. The part where I own it. The responsibility is solely my own. The part where I have to live up to Harry’s expectations.”

“You’ll be fine. You’re smart and you work hard. I’ve seen it.”

“Maybe, but I?—”

She holds my gaze, waiting.

“What if I can’t do this on my own? What if...” My shoulders are concrete, and the air in my lungs burns. “What if I fail and let everyone down?”

“You won’t, okay? You can do this, Reedsy.”

My hands tingle and I walk back to Magnet, grappling for each breath. Trembling fingers find the saddle fenders and grip tight. Struggling to pull in air, I’m fucking drowning.

A small, warm hand rests on my back. “Reed?”

I drop to my knees when dizziness floods in. Bile rises, and I pull at my loose collar. My hat hits the ground. I choke in noisy breaths.

“Shit, Reed.” Ruby is in front of me, hands cupping my jaw. “Breathe. Just breathe.”

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