Page 100 of Hard to Judge

“More than.” She moans, and then smacks my hand away too. “But that’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

I’m not ready?

I gently caress her side where Hard worked fresh ink into her skin, marking her forever. I’m damn curious to know what it is, but I’m also scared.

What if it’s meaningful? What if it’s not?

“Did you ask him?” Hailey whispers over my shoulder.

Arlo exhales into my shoulder blades. The hot air sends shivers down my spine. “We were kind of busy.”

“Ask me what?” Nope, the room didn’t just get ten degrees colder. It’s just me and my fucked-up brain. Right?

“Can we move in?” Arlo blurts.

A part of me is ten degrees colder, while the other half is suddenly ten degrees hotter. A deadly combination. Excitement and dread war inside me.

I roll onto my back to look at Arlo.

His lips are swollen, and there’s still a hint of my cum on his chin. I wipe it off with my thumb, but he snags it and sucks it clean, waking my dick up fully.

“You and Hailey move in here?” I retrieve my thumb from his mouth in an effort to think somewhat clearly.

“Yes.” Arlo smiles.

“With me?” I ask, not quite understanding what’s going on.

“We wouldn’t kick you out, silly.” Hailey kisses my chest again.

My heart swells so big I’m surprised we all still fit in the bed and haven’t been shoved off by it.

Images of them here with me, sharing a life fills me to the point of bursting. Early mornings with the three of us jockeying for counter space to get ready for the day. Gourmet dinners punctuated with great wine and conversations that wake my soul. Late nights spent with our bodies twined in the most decadent combinations.

“It would only be for a few weeks,” Arlo adds.

And just like that, his sharp edges, the ones that are fewer but not zero, stab my heart. It pops like an overinflated balloon, shooting parts of me every which way about the room.

“I’m having part of the house redone.” He shoves the knife harder, hitting my spine.

“You just had the whole thing redone,” I snap like the wounded animal I am.

“I overlooked a critical component.” His gaze slides to Hailey, then jerks back to me. “It’s integral and can’t be put off any longer.”

Oh, my fucking fuck.

My skin goes clammy all over.

I can see the room now. The walls are not pink or blue because screw gender norms. It’ll be a happy wallpaper print with trees and flowers, smiling animals, and rainbows. A cribin the center with that dangly thing above. Chunky cardboard books fill a shelf built into the wall so they won’t crush the little kid.

They’re going to have a baby.

Suddenly, I’m being crushed. Not by a bookshelf but by the void. The things I want most are so close, yet so far away.

“What about Natalia’s place?” I shove from the bed, not able to look at either of them. I don’t wait for an answer before barreling into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

I grip the edge of the counter and sink my finger against it so hard, I wonder if I can rip it from the wall. One swift jerk would probably do it. My muscles bulge, and the veins in my arms and chest pop.

Then the door squeaks open.

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