Page 66 of Hard to Judge

The stunning panther pulls Arlo to his chest. He tucks Arlo’s tousled hair under his chin and wraps his strong arms around his wide back. A back that shakes with silent emotion. For a long time, they stay locked in the ugly catharsis of slaying demons.

I feel a little bit like an interloper, but my joy at Arlo's growth keeps me in my seat.

“I wanted it to be you,” Arlo sobs. “It was you. In my head anyway. I came, and then I looked over my shoulder and…” His words dissolve into sobs.

Mine mix with his and Hota’s.

Hota motions me over. It takes a moment to register the request. I thought surely they’d want some time alone.

I hop from the chair and grab Hota’s offered hand. He pulls me in behind Arlo and holds me tight to the man I fell in love with not so long ago. The man who changed my life, who changed me for the better.

“I felt so guilty. So dirty. He used it against me, exploited that moment of weakness for days. I was so ashamed,” Arlo admits.

“It’s not your fault,” I say.

“You did nothing wrong,” Hotaru’s voice rumbles. “I only wish we could kill him again.”

My eyes fly open and land on Hota’s, whose gaze narrows. “She doesn’t know?” he whispers.

“She knows what I did.” Arlo shudders.

Then I know. “You would never let him do that alone.”

“Never.” Hota’s head shakes.

I grab Arlo’s head and pull it to face us. “We’ll never let you face those memories alone either. There is nothing you can say to make us judge you or love you less. Nothing.”

His hand cups my face while his other cups Hota’s. He pulls us in close. My cheek presses against his pec while Hota is pressed into the crook of his neck. Our arms encircle him and each other.

Together, we take a collective breath and kill that demon.

“I can get my actuary on it after the New Year. I should have it to you by the tenth. The fifteenth at the latest.” The commander for the naval base is optimistic at best and incompetent at worst.

I know the answer.

The last military contract I took returned their actuarial report to me nine months after I’d already submitted my report.

Good thing numbers make sense to me.

People, I can usually sort out pretty easily too.

Emotions? They are much harder to nail down.

“I already have what I need.” I click on the report I started two days ago after Hailey and Arlo left my condo. The food they’d brought had run out along with their clothes.

They’d tried to talk me into going back to their house, but I’d needed time and space and to drown out the memories in mind-numbing numbers.

I finished it late last night and submitted it to Admiral Buchanan early this morning.

“How is that possible?” the captain sputters. “You received the accounting information two days ago and don’t yet have theactuary’s report. You can’t possibly begin to piece together this madness. We’re talking about a decade of financial reports from one of the largest naval bases in the United States.” He takes a breath. “Besides, it’s the holidays. Nothing gets done over the holidays.”

The edge of panic in his voice sends a zing through my veins. I could tell him that he’ll know what the inside of a military prison cell smells like by the end of the day. His anxiety is too much fun to spoil the surprise.

“You know Admiral Buchanan, yes?” I smile.

“Yes, of course,” he huffs.

“You respect his opinion?”

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