Page 11 of Mr. Swoony

I look at the bedroom where Penelope is, hoping she’s still passed out. I haven’t told anyone this. “You can’t tell anyone. Like, take it to the grave.”

His eyebrows lift, but he holds out his pinkie. “Pinkie swear.”

It’s then I notice that the top part of his pinkie is missing. He still has a nail, but he’s been injured in some way.

I wrap my pinkie around his. “What a night. I share my bucket list and a pinkie swear with you. I feel like I’m thirteen again.”

He laughs. “Hey, pinkie swears are sacred.”

The room grows quiet, and it’s time for me to share what I’ve told no one else. “I’m sure it’s like this in many relationships, but there’s no more spontaneity. He always wants to go to dinner with his friends, and rarely are we alone. I think the real issue is I don’t ever feel like I come first.” I bite my lip. “But he has a lot of pressure on him. He’s being groomed to take over his family’s company one day, making for a lot of traveling. And I don’t want to put more stress on him.” Conor says nothing, so I ramble on. “After my dad died a few years ago, I just… I don’t know.”

Wanting to make my dad happy doesn’t feel like the correct wording, but I fear it is why I’m about to marry Tristan in a week.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Yeah, well, with his lifestyle, it’s not all that surprising.”

“Still, losing a parent…” He shakes his head. “I can’t imagine.”

“It sucked, especially since I finally felt like I was getting to know him as a person and not the person he wanted me to see him as over the years. He was always in competition with Mom and Sam.” I shrug. “I can’t believe I’m telling you all this. Even Jade doesn’t know some of this.”

He covers his heart with his hand. “I’m honored. And no judgment. I have family issues. But you still haven’t answered my question. Why did you agree to marry him?”

“I’m making him sound bad, but he’s not.” I don’t feel the truth of the words when they leave my mouth, and I don’t know why.

“I didn’t say that.” He pushes off the couch and goes to the mini bar again, snatching up an array of items and tossing them between us.

“I’m sure it’s just all the expectations and pressure of a big wedding. Social media makes it seem like there shouldn’t be any arguments or distractions between couples who want to pledge their love to one another. After the wedding, it will all go back to normal. I’m sure of it.”

He sips his water. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.”

But I don’t think he believes me. Hell, I’m not sure I believe myself.

He tosses the chocolate-covered pretzels at me. “Here. Sweet and salty, the best combination.”

I open the bag. “You have to tell me something personal now.”

Conor stares at me for a beat and fidgets in his seat. Will he open up the same way I did?

Five

Conor

I’m not going to tell her, but her fiancé sounds like a complete douche. I’d love to question her more on the whole “he doesn’t make me feel like I come first” comment. Or the fact he wouldn’t want to spend an afternoon with her baking a cake or surprising her with a train trip. See the tattoo she’d pick out and hold her hand when the first needle pricks her skin. How could he pass up seeing her smile when it was all done?

If I were honest with her, I’d tell her that I think hiding her list in her underwear drawer so he didn’t see it should’ve been her first red flag. I’d never want my girlfriend, fiancée, or wife to feel that way about me, and I pray whoever I decide to marry, if I ever do, knows that I’m her sidekick in whatever crazy thing she wants to do.

“There’s not much to talk about, but you were so honest with me, I’ll be honest with you.”

She puts a chocolate pretzel into her mouth, and I watch her reaction while I tell her something I talk to no one about, not even my sister.

“My mom and dad divorced last year. My mom was cheating on my dad, but it wasn’t her first time. I’d witnessed her with another man before and told no one. I never told my dad. I never told my sister. I believed my mom that night when she said it was over. Because of me, my sister had to endure the same crushing blow I did years later when she caught our mom with someone else.”

The guilt still eats at me, and I think maybe it’s why I was so difficult about Kyleigh being with my teammate and friend, Rowan. Now, they’re happy together, and I feel like a total dick over my behavior.

“Is that why you’re not a relationship guy?” She puts another pretzel in her mouth. I shouldn’t feel so happy that she likes the snack I picked out. What the hell is that about?

“Who says I’m not a relationship guy?”

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