Page 26 of Mr. Swoony

Jade’s eyes lock with mine as if I’m a puzzle she’s trying to figure out. Or maybe she doesn’t want to answer.

“Playboy,” she says, and my heart sinks to the depths of my stomach.

Was I completely wrong about him? Are my instincts that off? Trusting him felt so natural and easy. But was it all just an act for him? A game?

“It’s your turn.” The wedding planner touches Jade’s shoulder.

“Eloise…” Jade’s tone is the same one she’s used all day with me. She knows me the best, so I’m not stupid enough to think she doesn’t see what’s happening with me.

I shoo my hand at her. “I’ll see you down there.” I plaster on my smile for the day.

Jade doesn’t turn around.

The wedding planner taps Jade again, and her voice has more urgency. “Go.”

With a sigh, Jade leaves. Then Abby, Tristan’s niece, walks down the aisle, sprinkling flowers along the runner.

The music shifts to the bridal march, but I don’t move. I can’t. I’m frozen solid.

How many times have I dreamed of this moment? Marrying the man I love and who loves me. All the times I imagined this day, I never thought I’d have this doubt inside me.

“Darling, it’s time,” the wedding planner says.

“Sorry, just a minute.” I stare at the door leading out of the church then back at the doors leading toward Tristan.

“It’s becoming awkward now…” the wedding planner says through gritted teeth.

I nod and step into the doorway, my grip on my bouquet tight enough to crush the stems.

The movement of everyone shifting in their seats, ready to watch me walk down the aisle, makes my heart beat faster. My eyes seek out Tristan as if he’s my life preserver in the middle of the ocean.

He is my future.

But he’s joking around with Merrick, his attention not on me, and for the first time today, I can’t mask my disappointment under a fake smile.

“Darling, go,” the wedding planner whispers in my ear.

I scan the pews. Tristan’s mom’s lips are stern and unwelcoming. Already, I can hear her judgment about my makeup or hair, although it’s what she wanted. I’m like a doll she’s dressed up.

My mom’s smile is forced and probably looks like mine.

The wedding planner nudges the small of my back, and I step forward. I can’t even hear the wedding march over the sound of my heartbeat thrumming in my ears. My breaths are shallow, and a cold sweat breaks out on the back of my neck.

Halfway down the aisle, Tristan finally looks at me. His lips part in a big smile. I’m sure he has some love for me, but I doubt it’s enough to ever put me first. Sometimes I think he likes the idea of me and the fact that I make things easy for him most of all.

Fight for the relationship you want, Eloise. Expect more and leave him if he can’t put you first.

Conor’s words from that fateful night run through my head again.

I look straight ahead as I walk the rest of the way down the aisle, my panic growing with every step until I feel as if it might burst out of me.

On autopilot, I hand Jade my bouquet. She whispers something to me, but I can’t make it out over the thoughts running a mile a minute through my head, so I turn to face Tristan.

The officiant has everyone sit down and starts the ceremony. We go through all the typical wedding steps. Tristan cracks jokes and his side of the congregation laughs, with Merrick laughing louder than anyone else.

He’s paid more attention to Merrick than to me during this ceremony. And that’s the way my entire marriage will be.

I can’t do this.

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