Page 13 of Mr. Swoony

After we walk through the sliding doors to the outside, Eloise says, “Why didn’t you tell them about your fans earlier?”

“Because then I would have had to leave.” I’m truthful, which I know I shouldn’t be, and her cheeks redden again. I’m slowly becoming addicted to garnering that reaction from her. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”

The doorman flags down a taxi, and I tip him, allowing Eloise to slide in first.

Once I’m in the cab, she turns to me. “I know you’re not. This is just a weird situation, right?”

“Weird in what way?” I’m not sure where her head is.

“That I like being with you when I shouldn’t.” Her teeth bite her lip again, then she cringes, and her eyes squeeze shut. “I’m a horrible person.”

“No, you’re not. And we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re just crossing an item off your list.”

She nods, but she doesn’t believe my lie any more than I do. No matter what though, this thing between us doesn’t go any further than tonight.

Six

Eloise

Conor pays the cab driver, and I climb out onto the dark sidewalk beside Lake Michigan.

“God, it’s beautiful.” I stare at the sky filled with stars above the water. “What a clear night.”

“And you’ve waited how many years to cross this off your list?” He quirks an eyebrow and nods toward the vacant pathway.

I follow him, and he guides us to a park bench. I have no idea what I’m doing here. Why did I agree to come here with him? Strike that, I do know, and it’s not good. It’s not as if I plan to hook up with Conor. I would never do that. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel this… pull to him.

What I can’t figure out is whether this is cold feet. Conor is so different from Tristan and I’m enjoying it. Tristan never would’ve wanted to leave at three in the morning to see the stars. I probably wouldn’t even get him out of his house, let alone get him to take a cab to the lakeshore. It’s more than that though. I’m trying not to notice how Conor listens to me as if he finds my thoughts interesting and can’t wait to hear what else I have to say. Tristan can be dismissive. Half the time I’m not even sure he hears the words coming out of my mouth.

Conor waits for me to sit on the bench before he slides on next to me. His one arm is slung over the back of the bench, and it feels intimate, though I don’t think that’s his intention. I think it’s just Conor and his warm personality—he can’t help but be in close proximity to the person he’s giving his full attention to.

“Do you know any of the constellations?” I lean my head back and stare into the dark sky.

He lowers his arm and does the same, but his pinkie grazes mine, and an electric zing runs up my arm. “Right now, I wish I had paid more attention in school so I could impress you with some facts about astronomy.”

I laugh and turn my head to look at him. The moonlight looks good on Conor, showcasing his strong jawline and sharp nose that looks as though it’s been broken at least once. “I only know the Big Dipper, so I’m useless too.”

“I could probably find an app to help us out.” He turns to face me, and our eyes lock.

I quickly face the sky again to calm the nerves firing through my whole body. “Let’s just enjoy it like this.”

“I agree.”

We sit in silence for a moment. I can’t speak for Conor, but the big sky makes me feel so small. It makes all those decisions about linens and chair covers and flowers feel so foolish and trite. What does any of it matter? It’s one day out of my life, yet it has consumed my entire world for more than a year.

“A shooting star would be pretty awesome right now,” he says.

I think it would be a sign that this feeling of rightness in being here with Conor is legit. That I’m not imagining this sensation creeping up on me as if he was meant to walk into my life tonight.

“I’ve never seen one before,” I say.

“Me either. Maybe you should put it on your list.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

“That’s not really up to me if I see the shooting star though.”

“You just need to go stargazing more.”

“Yeah.” My voice holds longing because I have a terrible feeling that if I ever stargaze again after tonight, I’ll be doing it alone. And if I see a shooting star by myself late one night years from now, will it be just as exciting? Or will I always remember this moment with Conor and wonder what if?

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