Page 2 of Souls and Sorrows

“What did he promise you? That he could make you feel good for a little while? They always say that, you know, and theyalwaysend up hurting you. Men are evil, Ariana. They take and take without remorse. Without apology. They will drag you to the depths of hell and leave you there, helpless and alone with no one to blame but yourself.”

I watch, silent, as she flips open the lighter and takes one of the shoe’s ribbons between two fingers.

“All I’ve ever tried to do is keep you from getting hurt by boys. Keep you pure, so one day, you might actually be useful to your family, and this is the thanks I get? You slutted it up before your sixteenth birthday and not even with someone of some circumstance.” Disgust bleeds from her words, each syllable hot, slicing into my heart. “You’ve always been an ungrateful, spoiled child though, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Shame slithers up my spine like a snake, drawing the muscles in my abdomen taut. I can’t keep the tremble from my voice when I speak. “I didn’tdoany—”

“It’s not always about action, Ariana. Perception is everything, and these little outfits of yours don’t help.”

I don’t respond to her. Anything that comes out of my mouth at this point will only get me into more trouble.

“I shouldn’t even let you perform tonight.”

My eyes snap to hers as they turn down at the corners, and she teases the end of the ribbon with the lighter’s flame.

“It sends a bad message, letting you prance around in that tutu onstage like some flightless bird, desperate for a crumb of attention from anyone who will give it. Especially after your rendezvous with the Barone boy.”

My face burns, and I lower my chin, glaring at the polished wood floor. Still, I don’t answer, trying to pretend instead that she isn’t here. In my head, I’m at myCinderellarecitallater tonight, showing off the double fouetté I’vefinallyperfected and dazzling the audience with my performance.

Mamma’s right about one thing: Idolike the attention I get from the crowd when I’m onstage. People pay to see me twirl and glide, my body liquid as it takes cues from the score.

Up there, with spotlights turned in my direction and hundreds of faces enraptured by my movements, I’m somebody. For a few hours, I’m more than just an invisible middle child whose only talent to the rest of the world is looking pretty.

All the girls in the Boston Ballet School are pretty. That simply isn’t enough.

To stand out, you have to begood.

More than that, you have to begreat.

Phenomenal.

So, I don’t like the attention because I’m desperate for it. I like it because it proves I belong here.

Proves that I’m better than the rest of my family.

I wouldn’t give that feeling up for anything.

Two fingers wrap around my chin, yanking my head back. I swallow as Mamma forces me to look into her eyes again, my chest hollowing out with fear.

Please don’t.

Not here.

She pinches, and I grit my teeth, desperately trying to keep my tears at bay. I hate that she can spark them so quickly, even after all these years. After all the pain.

“Everyone thinks you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out. They want to sully that beauty with their sins.”

Malice drips off the last words of her sentence as she releases me, dropping onto my skin like venom and burning where it touches.

If I’m the most beautiful girl in the world, that means she isn’t. And for a woman who’s spent her life relying on her looks to get her through a painful existence, that isn’t acceptable.

She resumes her focus on the shoe. “As soon as you’re eighteen, you’ll be pawned off to some pervert, and he’ll spend his life defiling you, just like they did to me and your nonna and all your ancestors before us. They’ll use you until you’re no longer beautiful.”

The flame drifts closer to the ribbon, brushing the uncut edge. Nerves spread through my bones, locking them up as I drop my gaze, watching.

“One day, I won’t be around to warn you against them.” Mamma’s head cocks to the side, her Italian accent thickening the more she speaks. “That’s what you want, Ariana, isn’t it? To be away from me, so you can sin any way you’d like?”

I shake my head. My sisters are the ones who want to escape.

---