Page 83 of Souls and Sorrows

I take a step in his direction. “What do you mean, you know?”

Stretching his arms back above his head, Cash lets out a low groan, and I can imagine the relief popping in his joints. The position causes the hem of his wine-red cashmere sweater to ride up, exposing the hard plane of his stomach just above his belt.

I swallow, my pulse growing thick.

“Before he died, I might have paid him a visit of my own.”

“Why?”

“Because the general public thinks my wife murdered two people and I wanted to know his thoughts on it.”

My heart thuds inside of my chest, beating like a bird locked in a cage. Papà wouldn’t have told him anything, but still. It’s unnerving, not knowing what Cash thinks I’m capable of doing.

His gaze doesn’t falter, and I force myself to keep looking, to not be the first to break.

“And what do you think?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Just folds his hands on the desk, leaning in. Then, “I think animals in captivity act differently than those who were born free. And I think you once told me you weren’tmyprisoner.”

Anxiety swells in my stomach, making it cramp. I wait for more, some sort of reaction, as my body silently prepares itself for war. The muscles in my legs tighten, ready to spring into action if needed, but he doesn’t move.

Just stares at me, stone-faced. As if the reality of what he just said, what he just confessed, doesn’t make me a monster.

“Aren’t you… mad?”

Even just asking makes me feel like I might die.

“Jesus, Ariana, you must not think very highly of me if every time we have a discussion, you think I’m angry. I’mnot. Regardless of what happened at our wedding, and regardless of the number of times you’ve made it clear you have a detailed idea of how you would like to kill me, I’m not upset. It would take much more than a failed assassination attempt to ruffle me.”

My shoulders deflate, and I stare back at him, wondering how long it took for him to become this way. Detached from emotions, so they don’t drive you to do or say immature things.

Finally, he shrugs. “In any case, if you really don’t want to go to the memorial, then I suppose I can’t make you.”

I snort, function barely returning to my organs as he redirects the subject. “Oh, are you suddenly above using force?”

“Not above it. But making you go to a memorial service feels a bit like adding insult to injury, and I don’t feel like dealing with the repercussions at the moment.”

It’s hard not to feel like he means dealing withme, but I ignore the desire to self-deprecate and read between lines that don’t exist. Cash Primrose is not a man of many words, and if I’ve learned anything in our time together, it’s that he doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean.

Telling myself that is much easier than making my body believe it though.

Baby steps, Ariana.Fully functioning adults aren’t built in a day.

“Okay.” I clasp my hands together, suddenly feeling very small in the bare, large room.

An uncomfortable silence passes between us, one of many we’ve had in the days since the limo incident. Which I guess is mostly my fault since Cash has been trying incredibly hard to make up for the humiliation.

It’s just that rejection stings a lot less when you’re able to turn around and do the same.

Pushing his glasses up with his middle finger, Cash scoots in closer to his desk, his attention falling to a stack of papers before him. He scans it for a few seconds, his finger hovering over a button on his phone, but then seems to notice that I haven’t budged and glances up without moving his head.

“Did you need something else?”

A knot lodges in my throat, and I shake my head, turning to leave. “I’ll see you at home.”

He nods, barely paying me any mind. “Text me if you want me to pick up dinner. I can stop by that Thai place again on Fifth Street and grab some of the pineapple curry you liked the other night.”

Warmth fills my chest at the observation and the domesticity of the sentence itself. I walk to the door, where my fingers wrap around the silver handle, and I start to pull it open when the intercom clicks on again.

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