Page 70 of Best Friends for Never

“You could always be one of those people who takes their dog with them everywhere.”

“Hmm. True. We could travel the world together. See the Pyramids or tour the Mayan ruins. I could get a baby backpack and carry him around whenever his little legs tire. Maybe his own pair of sunglasses so thepawparazzi don’t bother him.”

“That is entirely too much detail for me to think you’renotkidding about this, especially that bit where you think there’s paparazzi for dogs.”

“What?” he asks distractedly, as if he were truly lost in his own little fantasy world. “Oh no. I’m totally kidding.”

He’s not, and we both know it.

Just like he wasn’t kidding about breaking the news to Pumpkin that he wouldn’t be getting his bath today, hence the scratches lining his cheek. He showed up at eleven sharp with a quick knock on my door. I let him in, giving him a short tour of my house, before introducing him to Pumpkin, who promptly swatted at him and slunk off to his bed.

“Stop staring at them,” he says as he expertly navigates us down the beaten path the locals have carved out over the years. He’s walking the trail like he does this regularly and it hasn’t been a decade since he’s been back here.

“I can’t. I feel horrible.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But maybe it is. Maybe Pumpkin heard me talking about you over the years and picked up on some things, and now he hates you.”

Noel stops abruptly in a narrow spot along the path, and I nearly run right into him.

“What? What’s going on?” I ask, trying to see around him.

He turns, looking down at me. “You’ve talked about me over the years?”

“Oh, that.” I wish I could hide my face right now so he can’t see the pink tinge in my cheeks.

“Yeah. That. So?”

I sigh. “Of course I’ve talked about you. You were a huge part of my life for a long time. Then you weren’t. I’ve complained a lot. I’m sure that’s why he doesn’t like you. Because of howIfeel about it.”

“And how do you feel, Parker?” he asks. “Do you like me? Do you forgive me for leaving?”

This isn’t the conversation I planned to have today, but I suppose it needed to happen sometime. I guess now is as good a time as any.

“I ...” I exhale heavily. “I told you last night I was scared when you asked me to come with you, and that’s true. It terrified me more than I care to admit. Because what if you did get tired of me? What if things didn’t work out with us? What if we ruined a beautiful friendship?”

“I don’t—”

I hold up my hand to stop him. “Let me get this out, because if I don’t, I’m not sure I ever will. I’ve only said it once before to ...”

I trail off, not daring to speak Axel’s name because I really don’t think bringing him up on our date would be the best idea, but it doesn’t stop Noel’s jaw from twitching because he knows exactly who I’m referring to.

I push my shoulders back. “All those things scared me.Youscared me. You were my person. The most important piece of my life aside from my mother. The last thing I wanted was to lose you in any capacity. But I knew. I knew that if you stayed here in Emerald Grove, you’dhate it and eventually hate me becauseIwas why you stayed. So when you said you wanted to go, I encouraged it. I wanted that for you. But then you asked me to come with you, and I froze. Completely panicked. We’d just kissed for the first time, you told me you loved me, and you were leaving. My head was swimming with so much happening so fast. I couldn’t commit, so I let you go with the promise I’d come to you eventually.

“But when you got to LA and got settled, you asked again, but I knew it was already too late. I could tell you were changing in the few short months you were gone. You were finally in your element, taking classes and working and doing all these auditions. You were happy. And I knew that I couldn’t be the one to hold you back. I couldn’t be the one to keep you from becoming the person you were meant to be. So I stopped calling. I stopped answering the phone. I stopped trying to hold you back because I wanted you to flourish. I wanted you to find everything you were looking for. I wanted you to be happy. And you were. I saw that in the magazines, the award shows, and everything else you’ve accomplished over the years. You got what you wanted, and I’m so, so glad. I just ... I never intended for ten years to go by without a word. But the longer you stayed away, the harder it became to connect the version of you now with the version I know.

“So, yeah, maybe Pumpkin’s heard me complain about you being gone because that part Idohate, but don’t think for a second that I blame you for all this. I don’t. I blame myself. This rift between us is all my fault because I couldn’t grow up. Because I didn’t want to leave behind the safety of Emerald Grove. Because I was too scared to tell you I was in love with you.”

The last words tumble out of me, and for a second, I want to take them back.

Why wouldn’t I? I just admitted to Noel that I loved him.

But then, the weight that’s been on my shoulders since I was eighteen begins to lift, and I don’t want to take it back anymore.

I feel free for the first time in years.

So why do I want to run and hide? Is it because Noel hasn’t moved or blinked and is just staring at me like I’ve sprouted a second nose or something? Or maybe becausesayingI loved him brought back all those old feelings that maybe aren’t so old after all?

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