Page 267 of Hide and Keep

This entire last week of classes, I’ve had a lump in my throat that no amount of water’s been able to get down. If I didn’t have a bodyguard adamantly opposed to truancy, I would’ve skipped them all. I’m one hundred percent confident I would’ve passed them regardless—not like it’d affect anything even if I didn’t—but with each class finished, that lump seemed to increase in size, and now that my classes are over, it’s nearly clogging my airway.

I’d rather the noose than this feeling. This is from the inside. This is me. I’m doing it. My body is killing me.

I can’t fucking breathe.

If this is a glimpse of what life without Crue will be like, I don’t want it.

Unfortunately, I never get what I want, only what I don’t.

Except for when I’m with Crue, then I get pretty much whatever I want.

I have to tell him.

I don’t know what to tell him.

“Ooh, that would be lovely,” Phoebe croons. “Dad was just saying how nice this weekend’s supposed to be. Maybe we can have a beach day.”

“We’re not gonna be there that long.”

“We? Your…protectee…has to come, too?”

Squeezing my thigh, Crue chuckles. “We do everything together.”

I envision it happening, all of it—meeting Crue’s parents, letting him give me a tour of his home, us all going to the beach together…like a family.

I tear my attention from the purple beads to regard Crue again.

“What if we went today?”

Today might be all we have left.

“Today?” he mouths, then says, “It’s your last day.”

“Last day of what?” his mother questions.

“Classes. Myprotectee…” He rolls his eyes for my benefit. “…finished her first year of college today.”

Last year of college, technically, but I can’t tell him that. WhatcanI tell him? We’re running out of time and I still don’t know.

There’s a long pause before Phoebe says, “I bet it’ll be nice to have the summer off from enduring that every day.”

“It’s fine,” Crue says way too quickly. “I’ll, um, call you later, okay?”

“Okay.” His mother sighs. “I love you. Be safe.”

“Love you, too.”

Another twist of the knife. They say it to each other so easily. No hesitation, no calculation. Just real emotion, real connection, real love.

“Why can’t we go over there today?”

“I just figured you’d want to celebrate.”

“What? Like with a party? My father would never—”

He scoffs. “I know. I know he wouldn’t. It’s just… It’s a big accomplishment. Not everybody makes it to college.”

Crue didn’t.

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